Prayers Go Up, Blessings Come Down

A statement that keeps surfacing is ‘do not allow others to block your blessings.’ This is such a powerful statement. I used to call people season, reason, lifetime. Simplifying to this new mantra: BYE! DO NOT BLOCK MY BLESSINGS simply makes me laugh.

A dear friend is the one that keeps saying it. She’s my big sister. She cracks me up. She will say something then grin. I can feel her grin through the phone. She’s been really consistent with checking in on me. Encouraging behaviour that is good for my soul, laughter. And being so soul connected that she knows when I’m about to do something I shouldn’t be doing. She’s good people. Without question, good people. The best part, she keeps reminding me that I’m funny! How amazing is that? When I’m laughing at myself over something ridiculous, she’s right next to me laughing too! Granted, my world is pretty magical and some absolutely ridiculous things happen… it’s all part of the journey! And I wouldn’t change a single thing!

And just like that, I’m reminded of the love in the world. To love someone isn’t to just say it. It’s to show up. Sometimes you don’t understand why you want to show up but you do. Maybe you show up because you know what it feels like to struggle? Maybe you show up because the thought of someone suffering alone breaks your heart? Or perhaps, there is a connection that you cannot explain with words, it’s just about actions? You show up because it breaks your heart to know that another individual is going through pain alone. Now, it’s not your job to ease the pain but at least the other person doesn’t have to endure it alone.

This is friendship. This is family.

My heart still hurts about my biological family. I’m not sure that pain will ever go away. Each day it gets better. Easier. The last few weeks, I’ve been making intentional shifts. When I was feeling low or wanted to strangle someone causing pain to a person I care about, I stopped myself. I started to think of well-wishers. I started to list the things I am grateful for. Heck, I even started up old habits of sending heart emojis. And more importantly, I started picking up the phone. Life is always going to have its fair share of people blocking blessings. Trying to block blessings. And the less space I hold for this behaviour, the faster my life drastically improves… This is a concept that I know VERY well when living in Asia and I’m just starting to remember when living in the USA!

In Asia, I’m fully connected to self in a way that I trust my intuition without pause. I float between situations. Fully connected to self and observing. In the USA, I had to reprogramme myself. I had to unplug from the matrix. Unlearn all the things that society has forced down my throat. Redefine so many things. I challenged my very own existence and I shattered my own heart to allow more light in!

And in the midst of it all, I found my voice. At first, it was a whisper. And now, it’s roaring. I am able to stand my ground. Detach with love. Reframe until something makes sense. Stay connected to self. Put space between me and things that do not serve my highest self. Unwavering in what I will accept. Unquestioning on vibes. Knowing without knowing.

And most importantly, remembering that when Prayers Go Up, Blessings Come down. I pray that my world continues to expand with kind-hearted people. I pray that my days are sprinkled with laughter. I pray that my heart is filled with joy and my mind is at peace. I pray that my decisions continue to make my Grandfathers proud and I continue to work towards building something that adds a bit more love to the world.

#MentalHealthAwarenessMonth #SelfCare #Love #Family #Relationships #Resilience

 

 

‘I am not my thoughts. I am the awareness beyond them’

Reminding myself that the Universe is speaking to me. Offering messages to help me, teach me, inspire me. Some messages are welcomed and others are massively unexpected. Everything is what I need… perhaps not what I want but always what I need.

As I continue to focus on self-care, I’m reminded of who should be allowed into my space. Lots of things are starting to crop up. Generally speaking, this is a sign that I’m about to step into a new space! Another expansion. As much as I try to observe the body (and master the mind), I pause. I acknowledge that right now I am experiencing a side step. The best way for me to change patterns is to give words to what’s happening within. For some reason, sharing words reduces the power a situation has over me.

Any successful business person knows that when you are excited about something, it’s important to check yourself and the “opportunity” with three people you trust. The world has master manipulators and acknowledging that I am in an emotional state (excited) is all the more reason to ask a rational friend for their perspective. Or in my case, three rational friends. My ask to them, “I’m super excited about xxx, can you please have a look at some information and point out my blind spots before I dive in?” This is two-part, if I cannot ask this question, then the person has no business being in my inner circle because well, trust. If the person takes this request lightly, then the person needs to be replaced because well, lack of respect. This is an indication that I’ve outgrown my surroundings.

Any emotionally balanced person knows the importance of holding space. And showing up. And living with integrity. My world is filled with soft souls that are transparent when going through a struggle. My world is also sprinkled with people that insist on ‘powering through at all costs’. The latter represents my old life. For the most part, their lumpy bits have zero effect on me but on occasion, I’ll miscalculate their limits and their [unprocessed] pain manifests in ways that could easily be interpreted as harmful behaviour. There is no lost love because I know it’s not because of me. It’s a simple observation that reminds me of the importance of detachment. Connected to self and so focused on self-care that I’m able to [peacefully] detach and create space for expanding energy.

There are a million perspectives to consider but only one that really matters: mine. I say this not to be arrogant or selfish but to be truthful. I’ve just had a wave of people that questioned my self-care practices, dismissed my existence, or when I used my voice to establish a healthy boundary, they pushed back. Harmful behaviour. Knowing that I’m reshuffling priorities is difficult. For a while, I was the ‘fancy friend that lived in exotic countries.’ Or the ‘light on dark days.’ Or ‘constantly bursting with positive perspectives.’ I got tired of those roles and started holding space for myself. Nowadays when people make one of those comments, I pitch one of my hustles ‘…and that’s why I’m a resilience coach, let me know when you are ready to hire me’ or ‘…I’ve been living life intentionally for 4 years. Happy to teach you, let me know when you are ready to hire me.’ or ‘I’ve done energy work on people all over the world, let me know when you are ready to hire me.’.

During a season where I need to be protective of my energy, I find myself repeating words that I don’t really like saying, “This connection is no longer a safe place. It is not serving my highest self. Our paths are diverging.” I’m getting better at saying this to the clouds but every once in a while I say it out loud. Breaking up with friends tends to come out awkward, but ghosting feels rude.

Woke people are my favourite. They embrace my words as my truth and know that if it’s meant to be, our paths will cross again. They do not take anything personally as it’s a sign of my lack of tolerance just as much as their lack of sensitivity. Neither being right or wrong, just accepting that we grew apart. [Not] woke people are not my favourite. They take most things personally. They push back with namecalling, excuses, or justifications. All of it is irrelevant. The main point is they are prioritising their hurt over my needs. Their emotions are their issue, not mine. And for the first time in a long while, I’m perfectly OK with the pushback. I’m starting to be OK with people having heavy feelings. On occasion, I’ve been snapping back. But mostly, I’m just letting go. After all, my garden is for flowers, not weeds.

The ironic part is I still know the consequences of my words. words to build. words to break. Knowing I [might] still have this darkness within… my choice to build indicates health, my choice to break indicates areas for self-care… At the end of the day, strength comes from being able to understand which triggers are useful for continued growth and which triggers only lead to absolute destruction.

Constantly reminding myself that the Universe is teaching me something. Are the people I’m surrounding myself with helping me or hurting me? The better question, am I protecting myself or allowing others to cause me harm?

Potential in Others vs Potential in Self

Every once in a while I cross paths with something that challenges every single thought process. It’s a safe place to expand. It’s a place where I can dance between heart and crown. A place where there is growth AND healing at the same time. There are no emotional hangovers. Perhaps an increase in alone time but that’s only to reaffirm that I’m still grounded in myself.

When connected to these Earth Angels, my mind is staying present whilst also reframing things. Seeking flaws in my perception with the ultimate goal of embracing truth.

A few days ago, I attended a workshop. It was a coach the coach type of workshop. Where are you going and why? We were asked what we wanted to transform. Easy. Something that has been a slight obsession, “I, Jessica Corvo, want to move from prioritising potential in others to seeking truth…”

Surface level, this is a fantastic goal. Deeper level, and after creating space to get lost in the figurative magic… and the presence of my newest Earth Angel tapping into my higher self. I’m already there.

During the event, I was fixated on the idea of meeting people where they are at this exact moment. I’m a classic overachiever. My presence [sometimes] makes others feel inadequate. I often hear comments like “when do you sleep?” “What is driving you?” “do you have time for fun?” “I don’t think I’m accomplished enough to be your friend” “Who is your circle of influence?” and my personal favourite “what haven’t you done?” Sometimes my need to avoid these remarks means that I have dimmed my light. I’m not a fan of dealing with projections of insecurity of others, especially considering the fact that most of my accomplishments were deep seeded in the need of approval from others. True story.

My declaration, ‘shift from prioritising potential in others to seeking truth…’ should be, ‘shift from dimming my light to align with my inner truth’. Internal focus. Focused on my behaviour. My growth. Embracing the fact that I not so secretly LOVE LOVE LOVE to whisper magic into others. I freaking LOVE believing in something so hard that others cannot ignore it. I LOVE when others reference my uncommon viewpoint.

My name is Jessica. I googled the meaning. For years, I thought it meant loyalty. Google, well wiki, defined Jessica as a seeker of truth. To see the potential in the future. Foresight. The very name that was chosen by my parents was for me to see potential in everything. Why on Earth would I want to change that about myself?!

This Earth Angel tapped into my higher being. Granted, most days I think I’m magical. Other days, I am told that my energy is too much (sometimes even exhausting). Pure energy is difficult to embrace. I reject pure energy all the time. I am human after all. This earth angel told me to think of a shape and I thought of hearts. He asked me to pick something and I gave him a verbal answer but really wanted both. He listened to my higher self, not my voice. These are magical people. They are my people. Understanding (and encouraging even) when there is a disharmony between what I say vs what I want. To remind me of the magic within. To shut down not just the inner critic but also the echoes that feed into that inner critic.

A few days ago, I wanted to shift from prioritising the potential in others to seeking the truth. Well, the truth is that everyone has the potential to be magical. It’s all in there. At the moment, I’m extracting magic out of others without consciousness. It’s intuitive. And so seeking truth is experiencing then observing. Not thinking then executing. I’ve been questioning my intuition for the last 2 years. Not a fun place to be. I know how to listen to my intuition when words are not spoken. My journey has been to prioritise my intuition before words. Whether it’s the words of fear from others or the words of guilt from self. No more are the days where I’m dimming my light. I struggle to toot my own horn on all the awesome that I’m doing. I [typically] choose to post pictures of dog walking, delicious food, and quiet moments of dancing in the sun. That is truthful and part of my world. Sometimes I require moments of purging my deep seeded pain, questioning my patterns, and isolating myself. That is truthful and part of my world. Getting comfotable with my duality. I’m [still] integrating my world…

My mission to prioritise self. Some words from a year ago… Putting things in motion to share my message AND my magic

#MentalHealthAwarenessMonth #SelfCare #HealthyBoundaries #Perspectives #DomesticViolence #Recovery #Transformation #TheStruggleIsReal #DetachWithLove #FocusInward

External to Internal shifts are POWERFUL

Shifting from matrix thinking to well, non-matrix thinking is not easy. Most of the time, I feel crazy because I am going against decades of programming. Things that have been normalised are not always healthy things so the internal tug of war with what I know vs what I feel is a battle not to be taken lightly… I can say this with certainty because I spent about 20 years in the USA, lived in Asia for about 10 years and then moved back to the USA. Experiencing different perspectives on wellness (west – east – west) is incredible. External – Internal – External. Drugs – Holistic – Drugs. Wait, what is the opposite of holistic?! Some days, I cannot tell who is looney tunes, the matrix or the ones unplugged.

And then it happens. Someone is following my blog. Some words resonate. They need something but not 100% sure what they need. They look at my list of ways to collaborate. They cannot find anything specific that would work for them. They just know that they are struggling. Still looking for an external fix. They want to take products. They want a “to do” list to follow. They want me to give them answers and yet, I keep saying that the answer is within?! Vulnerability breeds vulnerability but, they want a roadmap. Action items to take. This is matrix thinking… I get it, I didn’t understand the importance of confronting my own garbage for the longest time. I thought people like me were fluffy because they talked about energy. And finding myself. I was always like I’M RIGHT HERE. I’M NOT LOST and yet I was… I just didn’t know it.

And then the potential client takes a deep breath and emails me. They fill out my contact form and request a 15 min phone chat. I accept.

During the phone chat, [some] clarity is achieved. The potential client felt at peace… they asked to bottle up my peace. They had a big presentation. They needed clarity. They asked if we could co-work together. Proximity was their need. To them, being around balanced energy was something worth paying for. They didn’t want me to do their presentation but they wanted me to be present whilst they finished their presentation. External to internal shift…

Another exchange. A longtime reader was once frustrated with my lack of healthy boundaries (easy to judge from the outside). Now they are dealing with family and struggling to detach with love. Compliments on my empathy with healthy boundaries. They view my journey in a new light. Moved by my words related to #HealthyBoundaries is #SelfCare. Powerful. A shift in perspective. External to internal. Another coachable client. They ask me to hold them accountable for harming themselves. I offer to teach them how to hold themselves accountable. After my 6-week coaching programme, the client goes through massive shifts. Growth is painful, then beautiful. Currently her own boss and protecting her space as fiercely as she once protected others. External to internal shift…

And then I step back and question whether or not I need to redo my website. Bring more clarity to what services I offer? The ironic part, I don’t want to tell people what type of life to live. I want to inspire them to walk into their own greatness. I’m an energy worker. I can shift energy with great ease but how does one articulate the various forms of energy work? I’m working through this perception. Is this a way that I’m sabotaging myself? Worth evaluating and also celebrating… Lack of clarity in services offered allows some of the most magical clients/projects.

Last week my soul connected with another. Today, I embrace a collaboration of making a star wheel. It’s easy for me to share the story with my community. It could easily help bring visibility to my friend. At the end of the day, the people that acknowledge the gifts of others are the people I’m gravitating towards. These are my people. Prayers go up, blessings come down.

Magic happens when surrounded by magical people. I’m on a flow of creating, spreading, and embracing magic… and then I spot check myself. Unplugging from the matrix… and creating magic with kindred souls. Everyone helping everyone. Sharing and honouring gifts… shifting from external to internal.

Photo Credit: Uncle Mac at Cosmic Bling Baby.

#MentalHealthAwareness #SelfCare #EnergyWork #SelfHealers #Aligned #Resilience

 

Self-Care leads to Universal​ Magic

The more time I spend taking care of myself, the more miracles that start to present themselves. Today is Monday. It’s my day to flop around. My self-care day. Typically, I do not pee-arrange anything or confirm appointments. I get lost in the flow. Consciously, one of the harshest criticisms is I have control issues. To be fair, it’s 100% accurate. I have to schedule flow days. I’m hilarious. I love this quirk about myself.

Schedules comfort me. I enjoy knowing what I’m doing and who I’m doing it with. So having a flow day means I don’t have a set schedule. I challenge myself to not have expectations. At the end of the day, it’s a self-care day and everything needs to be related to self. care.

Nothing more. Nothing less. Self-care.

Reflecting on the day. I spent 3 hours visiting with friends. 4 hours walking dogs and then 2 hours watching videos/building a hustle. Somewhere in the midst of this, I also made lots of food and picked up a new client. Dog walking clients are my favourite. They crack me up. It’s such a huge honour. New dog walking clients are a massive honour. They are trusting me with their furbaby. They are trusting me in their house. They affirm that there are good people out there with a keen sense of dope souls. I trust people with dogs. Cats are questionable creatures but dogs, I trust people that have dogs.

And just like that, I’m reminded of the importance of self-care days. Low key excited about an upcoming podcast as well… and an invitation to share knowledge to college students. May is Mental Health Awareness month. And being stubborn about my goals (cough cough self-care) and flexible about the path in which to achieve it, is pretty freaking awesome.

I’m about to ‘Go Big or Go Home’ in a new business venture. Everything in my world is related to wellness. Holistic wellness. Health.

Today is meant for Self-care and I picked up a new client and invited on 2 podcasts to promote my advocacy for mental health. Oh and, one of the start-ups that I mentor, they also asked to promote my profile. I guess self-care days are super necessary… the more love I pour into my glass, the more love the Universe surrounds me with.

And to think that Monday was supposed to be a flow day. I could not have scheduled this much magic if I tried!

Thank you, Universe. Thank you.

Happy Mother’s Day

Acknowledging that I’m allowing myself to get lost in the emotion of it all. Today is Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day is a day to celebrate and honour the very person that brought you into this world. The first person that wiped your butt. The first one to feed your soul. The first one that comforted you during a delicate moment. Your protector in every sense of the word. Your mommabear.

Today stings. I’m not even going to sugarcoat it. I can easily distract myself, make others the villain, or simply reach out and make the phone call. All options that would cause me harm. And my decision is to honour my mom here.

Over the years, I have spent so much time wanting to be just like my mother. For real, the depth of her love is admirable. It’s also a double-edged sword. I cannot fault her for anything other than loving others before loving herself. Rather than consider what she is doing at this exact moment or feeling a pain in my heart because of the distance between us, I send out a flow of love.

No more are the days where I’m comforting her with long lists to remind her of the people that love her. Or bringing her into my Jess World of magic. Today is a day that I’m supposed to be honouring her and to do that is to share some words. But are there words to capture what is in my heart? I could recap the injustice that I feel. Not towards her but towards the people that have twisted her mind. A year ago, we started growing apart. The year before that, we were laughing. The year before that we were on a roadtrip. So many things to honour and celebrate.

When the day is supposed to be to honour her, I’m here, honouring the emotions of it all. Happy Mother’s Day. My mommabear was my person. My best friend. I still have my angry days where I want to move a mountain (or put that mountain on the head of the person causing her pain). But I cannot. I spent so many years fighting battles that were not mine. Battles because others didn’t stay in their lane. Battles because other people enjoyed inflicting harm and isolating others. Battles that made it impossible to breathe. Battles that created confusion. Not battles of love but battles of well, not love.

Today, I acknowledge that I miss my mommabear. I miss her laugh, her jokes, her ability to make other people feel seen. I miss that moment when she challenges herself out of her comfort zone – making furniture, going on a roadtrip, trying something new… heck, even trying my food and then putting ridiculous amounts of salt on it. I even miss that. I miss her hugs, the quiet moments, the moments where I wanted to shut out the world and only allow her into my space. I miss so many things about her.

Knowing that there are people that take joy in thinking I’m suffering or thinking that she is suffering, makes me sick to my stomach. And so today, wherever she is, I hope she is surrounded by love. My only prayer for the last year has been that I hope she is surrounded by love.

Happy Mother’s Day to my mommabear. I keep you in my heart, always. For in my heart is where others cannot cause you harm. I love you.

Letter of Gratitude: Mommabear

#MentalHealthAwarenessMonth #Family #MothersDay #Love #Loss

Evolving perspective on Paranoia: C-PTSD

One of my favourite things about creating new habits is observing the shift within. Running has been my go-to for over 20 years. To this day, it’s such a magical moment when my mind shifts from circular (and counterproductive) conversations to absolute clarity. It’s as if a lightbulb is switched on. Or perhaps the blood is redistributed to operate multiple parts of my being so my mind is in ‘battery saving mode’ and only absorbing what is necessary and letting go of what is not.

I’m not sure of the mechanics but such a hilarious moment during my morning run.

I’m just about to embark on a hustle that will have a fixed schedule. This terrifies me on a certain level and excites me on another. I’m all for habits and not so low key obsessed with schedules. To be in the same physical location at expected times, on repeat. I did this with the restaurants so I am confident I worked out the ‘kinks’. To test my capacity for wellness and lead group fitness classes! To know with absolute certainty that I’m back to my ‘normal’ 150% go big or go home state of being. What an exciting time to be alive!

And then it hits me. The thing I am overcoming is PARANOIA. Anyone that has had a stalker knows that it’s not fun. Some days I can be confrontational AF and say IS THAT ALL YOU GOT? And other days, I’m so apathetic that watching tv sounds so much more appealing than stepping foot outside. And I went nearly a decade without owning a tv. Avoidant? Perhaps. Focused? Perhaps as well. Sometimes being gentle with myself means ‘there is always tomorrow to deal with something, right?’ Wrong. Not in Jess World.

People in my biological family have been stalking me. It’s not a fear. It’s a fact. They also have flying monkeys that check up on me. It’s not a fear. It’s a fact as well. During the last year, I’ve gamified this. Kind of like whack-a-mole. I play, spot-the-monkey. I cannot help but laugh at the way in which I process things. The things I tell myself to maintain my sanity. (This is a time where I would be harsh on myself and claim that I need a white jacket and a padded room BUT a kindred spirit insists that I stop repeating this joke because my soul cannot tell the difference between reality and a joke. Next time, I’ll refrain from explaining #Growth #Winning).

I digress. During my run, I was observing some of the other runners. I was checking out their form, tapping into their space, admiring their focus (clearly I was externally focused at the start of my run). And then about 33 minutes into my run, I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. Belly laughing. There is a runner that I’ve seen a few times. I saw him today. My entire body woke up, my cadence increased, my only thought was ‘hold onto his heels for as long as possible’. And I did, for 45 seconds! hahahahaha

So what’s the difference between my biological family stalking me and me stalking a fellow runner? I know that my intention was to simply make myself better. To run a bit faster. To push myself out of my comfort zone. To be inspired. Even if only for a few steps. Mind you, my training is not on a fixed schedule. At moment, I’m weather permitting. Leaning into bike riding, when the weather is questionable, I grab my running shoes! This is only the 3rd time that I’ve been at this specific training arena. And it’s the 2nd time that I’ve seen this runner. Last time was in the afternoon. This time was in the morning. I do not classify my actions as stalking but others might. Which is kind of irrelevant but worth acknowledging because it might be the same for my biological family. I think they are stalking, they might not. Interesting…

Perhaps this is the epiphany necessary for me to reinforce compassion. To remain calm. To not concern myself with my surroundings but to maintain focus within. Perhaps my family isn’t stalking me because they want to cause me harm. Perhaps they are stalking me because I inspire them. They want me to pull them out of their comfort zone? Even if it’s only for about a minute.

Hopeful thinking. I have over 2 decades of examples to prove that their stalking is not productive. I acknowledge that the moment of clarity is helping me reframe my situation. I acknowledge that my intentions vs perceptions might differ. I also acknowledge that I’m perfectly OK with it because I have peace in my heart. In December, I remember having a slight panic attack and ‘phoning a friend’ and coming up with a contingency plan in the event that my biological family stopped into the restaurant I was working at. Legit, I was convinced that my biological brother would bring our mother in on my birthday. The emotional mind is ridiculously powerful. And now, I am in a similar situation. Being a career athlete, there is a solid chance that someone will join my class that is directly connected to someone in my biological family. I’m OK with that. Rather than come up with some contingency plan of what on earth to do if one of my abusers shows up, I’m at peace. I trust the Universe. I also trust myself. And on a jovial note, I know that if/when they show up, it’s because they miss me and need a bit of inspiration.

My favourite mantra at the moment is having abnormal reactions to abnormal situations is 150% normal!!!

The focus remains inward. I have the peace in my heart and found another reason to laugh. I’ve said it a few times to my #1 stalker and it finally rang true in my heart, “Why are you so obsessed with me?”

Looking back to when I was heartbroken and trying to inspire my biological family, Poem: Do you know how it feels

#MentalHealthAwarenessMonth #Depression #Anxiety #Paranoia #Stalking #DomesticViolence #Recovery #OneDayAtATime #SelfCare #Perspective #CPTSD #PTSD #Trauma #EmotionalAbuse

Observe feelings without becoming emotions

Trying my best to embrace situations as opportunities to learn something about myself and also others have been a bit of a mission. At least in the last few weeks, it’s been a mission. Part of me enjoys getting lost in the magic of a moment. No thinking, just being. Allowing things to flow in and flow out. Magical things happen when I’m in flow state…

And then the question is asked. A question that makes me stop in my tracks. Not because I do not know the answer. But because I know the answer that is expected and I have something to share that is not conventional.

The question. Who would be proud of you? Reframe; who’s approval are you seeking?

Such a loaded question. If I was asked this question a year ago, I would unquestionably blurt out my parents. Today, I have a different answer. Considering I know that my guardian angels are dancing in the clouds and SUPER DUPER proud of me. There isn’t really anyone in the living realm that I’m seeking approval from. So I guess by default, the only person that gains or loses sleep based on my actions would be ME. So I’m seeking the approval of myself.

Also an interesting concept. Especially considering I’m my own worst critic. So to seek the approval from myself. A person that is hardly satisfied with things. A person that can appreciate where she is at this exact moment but deep down, she’s contemplating how to level up. Accomplish more. Push herself just that much further.

I’m proud of myself. I try not to compare myself to anyone other than a younger version of myself. Sincerely. The biggest thing that I am expecting of myself is to feel my emotions without becoming them. I was able to bury my emotions in the deepest part of my soul for decades. Hardly processing things. Suppressing them. And then after about 2 years of back to back healing? Dealing? Embracing? Processing? Growing… I fell into a cycle of being my emotions. Or was I just experiencing feeling them for the first time? My ability to talk about my feelings without becoming my emotions. Such a powerful concept.

Am I living my life in such a way that I’d be proud of me? YES! What defines my success? Well, at this exact moment. My only wish for myself is to have the ability to observe my feelings or feel my feelings without becoming an emotion.

And this is most likely why I’m scared to death of dating. Dating creates an opportunity to be in love. Am I ready to test the waters of making sure that I continue to love myself so hard that I can easily walk away from anything that doesn’t serve my highest good? To put an end to anyone that doesn’t make a conscious effort to court me, daily? Am I operating from my heart chakra? (Simple answer, not really). My ego says to love others with everything in my heart. And when it’s not reciprocated, I get hurt. And pain is a sign of mismanaged expectations. And expectations are from craving. And craving means that I’m not present… and also hints at an unhealthy attachment. And that makes me think of the first time that I went to a vipassana retreat. I wanted to hold onto the good and leave the bad. Life doesn’t work like that… but it can. It should. TO be honest, Jess World operates like that. Pure love.

Giving.

Receiving.

Being.

Observe feelings without becoming an emotion.

Making amends with myself

Dear Jess,

It’s been a long minute but I need to share something. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for putting others before you for so long. I’m sorry for forcing you into a cycle of constantly recovering from adversity. I’m sorry that I allowed you to think you were not enough. I’m sorry for a lot of things.

The one thing that I am not sorry for is making you believe that the only way out of the storm was to confront it head-on. I know there are a million places you could have taken refuge. I know there are people sprinkled all over the globe that would have taken you in. I know that you only keep people in your life because you want them, not because you need them. I made you forget that you are all that you ever need. I’m sorry that your heart broke when learning the truth about your family. It was the only way to learn. It’s not easy to remember that others are acting out of ignorance. It’s not easy to wrap your head around injustice. It’s even harder to understand that someone is causing you pain because they are in so much pain. I twisted your mind for so many years, twisted it into thinking that it was your job to comfort others. Comfort at the expense of your own wellness. For that, I will apologise a million times. And then a million times more.

Over the last few months, I’ve made substantial behaviour changes. I’m still mastering the art of NO (meaning NO is a complete sentence) and reminding myself that not all situations require my attention. I hope that my actions have been felt so my words are just an affirmation of healthy habits. It’s been brutal to shift focus from external to internal so I’m sorry that I created such deep seeded patterns for you to break.

But mostly I’m sorry that I caused you to question yourself. You have done some pretty magical things. You make everything look easy. I know life can be unbearable but you make everything seem so simple. I didn’t create space for you to be human, and I’m so incredibly sorry. I made you think that you had to be strong. And strong meant to carry on at all cost. The only mantra worth remembering was ‘well done is better than well said’. I’m sorry that it took me so long to hold space for you to be whatever you needed to be.

Last night, during a support group meeting, everyone was talking about making amends. Granted, the snap reaction was “I don’t need to make amends to anyone. They need to make amends to me!” And then after a deep breath, the FIRST person that I wanted to make amends to was you. So, Jessica Marie Corvo, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for taking your love for granted. I’m sorry for pushing your mind into overdrive. I’m sorry for taking so incredibly long to get to this exact place. I’m sorry for not protecting you with the same fierceness that you so openly offered to others.

Now that we are here… let’s take a moment to pause. A moment to honour that we built an unshakable foundation. There is still pain to be processed. A broken heart to be loved. A family to mourn. A system to grow. But mostly, just daily reminders to love yourself first. Everyone else comes second. Everyone. And anyone that questions your priorities don’t deserve space in your world.

Oh, and one last thing, I’m sorry for the root chakra behaviour. Kind of sorry but not really. I couldn’t help myself from exploring that guilty pleasure. It is my favourite questionable decision but nothing more than a distraction from self-care. When someone worthy of being a lover presents himself, you’ll know without question. It won’t be butterflies, facepalms then, cheeky smiles. It’ll feel like home. Perhaps you owe him an apology at some point but for now, the only apology goes to you for allowing cloudy energy into your space. Sacred space. I’ll do better for us. I promise. BTW, you needed to know that the same results can be achieved by walking a dog. There are a million ways to bring yourself into the present moment. hahaha…

I know you forgive me. I’m not sure I’m worthy but it’s nice to know we are on the same team once again.

With so much love (and admiration)
Your Mind

PS: doesn’t this seem like it was written a million years ago? It was actually only a year, almost to the day. And my heart finally made amends to self… But FIRST, Remember to Forgive Yourself

#Resilience #SelfCare #LetterOfGratitude #Alignment #Forgiveness #SelfLove #Amends #Growth #Chicago #Home

Mental Health: Reflecting on stability

One of the challenges of the month is to push out words, daily. The easiest time for me to push out words is when I first wake up. When I catch myself in the space between sleeping and awake. It’s when I am in flow. When my conscious mind allows my subconscious to take the lead. But isn’t the subconscious always really in the lead anyways? I’m not sure…

May is mental health awareness month. I know the Universe is testing me. I know that people are crossing my path as a means to test the progression of my healing. When I have explosive reactions, it’s a space that I need more love. When I have a cluttered mind or a heavy heart, it’s because I’m in a space that is not meant for me. Being honest with myself is difficult. I much prefer to think that everyone is normal (and healthy). I much prefer bringing people into Jess world where love and kindness are the norm. A magical place where I’m free to be whatever I need to be. Most of the time, it’s not wanting to be the perfect friend/daughter/sister/colleague or whatever. It’s being able to share my emotions and innermost thoughts. To be honoured and on the rare occasion even celebrated. Surrounded by people that know how to speak to my heart. This is the essence of Jess World. I’m still in the process of (re)building. Not many deserve a spot in Jess World. Sometimes it takes me a few weeks to come to my senses.

Today. I celebrate. I honour myself. I pause to reflect on all the execution (building) that I have been doing in the real world as opposed to in my mental/emotional world (cough cough here in my blog).

August – I walked away from biological dysfunction. It was one of the most difficult decisions to make but in all honesty, it wasn’t even about making a decision, it was about accepting a truth. A truth that despite my desire for love, certain places simply do not have it. The place I called home was no longer a place where I was loved or welcomed.

September – I danced around a bit. I was chasing something but not really sure what I was chasing. During the confusion, I found another version of myself. I started to fall in love with the small things that make me, me. I made a decision to stand my ground.

October – I low key launched my coaching business. I expanded my online presence. Linkedin went from 2k to 14k connections. I expanded my professional network through daily engagement and created videos. This was huge… my first time making (and publishing) videos online. Spirit fingers. hahahaha

November – I wanted to start building skills for my stretch goal. The stretch goal is to open a B&B. It’s called my Sacred Space and it’s a place for people to disconnect from society to reconnect with self. I will not offer formal classes but I will promise a space where people can do their work without fear of any physical/emotional/spiritual external disharmony. I’ll have 9 chickens, 4 goats, and a donkey. Step 2 in this process is to build skills in the restaurant. So I started working in a corporate restaurant. Skill building.

December – this was a difficult month. Acknowledging that it’s a month that I was born and also a month where my own father tried to end my life (2004 by strangulation and 2009 by loaded gun). This was a month that I disengaged with most things to take care of myself. Days filled with extra love, self-love. Also, a month where I upgraded my skill learning from corporate restaurants to family run. I secured a job at the #1 Chinese restaurant in the city. New set of learning, Chinese style.

January – All about the grind. I re-launch my consulting business. The seeds planted in Linkedin started bearing fruits. I started getting requests for strategy work. Juggling a bunch of things. Coaching business is consistent. I have clients in 20 countries by this point. I decide to only work with people for 6 sessions. My time is split. Weekly allocation. 5 hours (coaching). 10 hours (strategy consulting). 50 hours (restaurant). Focused on my north star so it’s easy to grind. Somehow I manage 2 full day workshops for Zumba. All about the skill building and wanting another tool in my box.

February – quiet. kind of. breathe. Restaurant pulled me into 70 hours/week.

March – I shook up my system. The learning in the restaurant shifted from skill building to people management. This was no longer my space. I disengaged and refocused on dog-walking. Life is simple. Peaceful. I’m being pulled into Zumba. Most of the people in my social space are either crossfit or zumba. It’s comforting… My time is split once again. Weekly allocation. 6 hours (coaching). 10-15 hours (strategy consulting). 7 hours (dog walking).

April – finding my groove with having all my extra hours back. Allowing my soul to rest. Continuing to build my coaching business. I have clients in 40 countries. Life Coaching. Resilience Coaching. I simply tell people that I help them bounce back from adversity as fast as possible. Life is still simple. A few curve balls. My time is fully integrated. Weekly. 7 hours (coaching). 12 hours (strategy consulting). 6 hours (dog-walking). 8 hours (social media – linkedin/IG). I open my heart for dating…

May – It’s time to shake up my system once again. I’m getting comfortable. I put out the intentions to do something with Zumba. I’m offered a job with a gym in the heart of the city. Teaching Zumba and Strong by Zumba. My time is fully integrated. Weekly. coaching. strategy consulting. dog-walking. zumba. social media.

…My mind starts off clean and throughout the day, it starts to get noisy. And when I remember the power in the pause. My life is filled with things that activate different parts of my soul. To be present. To love. To think. To build. To just be…

#MentalHealthAwarenessMonth #MentalHealth #Wellness #EmotionalWellness #Resilience #FailForward #IntentionalLiving #SelfCare #Building #LifeCoach #Strategy #Consultant #Recovery