Exactly 4, 015 days ago, my father threatened to end my life with a loaded gun. In other words, 11 years ago I was almost killed.
Within those 11 years, I have climbed corporate ladders, spoiled my mom with sponsored trips around the world, crossed many finish lines (including Ironman), seen therapists, worked with coaches, lived in different countries… fallen in love. And learned how to love myself. When I say love myself, I mean I stopped allowing half assed people into my world. I live big. I expect others to live big, too. The journey has not always been easy. Breaking my silence and sharing my story of recovery cost me a lot. It nearly cost my sanity.
I spent the day, similar to others, greeting the clouds. Thanking my guardian angels for looking after me. Enjoying breakfast. Teaching fitness. Laughing. Leaning into my soft moments – calling a friend to feel less alone. Appreciating the entire survivor community. And this afternoon I made 2 professional videos. I offer 3 services. A kind soul insisted it was time I leveraged my website as I leverage LinkedIn. Generate leads and bring home the figurative bacon. So yeah. Heck yeah. Today. On my 11th year anniversary of being a survivor of gun violence, I held space for my continued recovery AND I filmed 2 videos to help promote my professional services. Truth be told, I have no idea what the finished product will entail. All I know is I was feeling dainty. I was feeling empowered. I was feeling grateful. Facebook has been my unfiltered canvas. Chances are a majority think I’m batshit crazy. That’s perfectly OK. I have already secured contracts with incredible companies as a wellness consultant AND in the last two years, I have coached clients in eight countries. I’m doing something right. So here’s to another 11 years… maybe more.
4,015 days ago, my life could have been taken from me but it wasn’t. I’m here. I’m loved. I’m still a cheeky monkey. And truth be told, I spent an hour straightening my hair. I much prefer spandex… but man can I (still) wear a dress.
Feeling myself. Grateful on so many levels.
Happy 11 years to me. Aka birthday 3. Today was PFM. Pure. Freaking. Magic.
PS. Stay tuned for the video. Being a survivor of trauma… and hosting trauma informed workshops for companies struggling with World 2.0. Yeah… I was made for this next chapter. Call me, maybe? I love people. SINCERELY.
There are moments when people cross paths and magic happens and then there are less than magical moments. As I embrace another growth spurt, I’m in new housing, surrounded by a handful of new energy and expanding some of my existing businesses. Summer camp has come to a rather abrupt end (more on this later). Another wave of coaching clients have graduated. Dog clients are starting to re-book. My nutrition offerings have expanded. Group fitness is thriving and expanding… I’m officially certified in all ages (0-4, 4-6, 7-11, adults, 65+differently-abled). I’m expanding my garden… first time nursing a rubber tree. Nesting is one of my favourite things in life. Snuggling into my new nook. Expanding my garden (I enjoy admiring leaves and the veins on the leaves. if you are really still, it’s almost as if you can see the plant sigh). Finding areas to greet the sun and breathe in moments of… magic. Preparing feasts. Learning all the sounds of a new building and offering awkward hellos to neighbors. Figuring out what time the mail arrives and meeting all the delivery people. Bringing myself to a single breath where I can feel the temperature difference between an inhale & an exhale.
Living with people can be serendipitous whilst it can also create collateral damage. I believe we are all transitioning. Transitioning from something… or into something. I love people in transition. I also love people rooted in Self. I LIVE for P.F.M. moments. Pure freaking magic. Yes. The moment where someone is so lost in their moment of doing whatever it is they love. Sometimes people in transition are the BEST for PFM because they are relearning how to love life. Trust me.
Each time I shift house, I gently mourn the transition from the old into the new. The old is comfortable. It’s familiar. It was exactly what my soul needed for that exact moment. Having gratitude for the lessons and honouring growth is important.
Working with people and taking on new clients can be serendipitous whilst it can also create collateral damage. Over the last few years, I’ve realised you have to meet people where they are and not everyone is comfortable with being held accountable. The entire purpose of hiring a coach (me), is to help identify blind spots. To shift from trials to triumph as quickly as possible. I’ve been successful in so many capacities, My entire coaching business is based on lessons from working in foreign countries, being a survivor of domestic violence, and then general … life. We do ego work. Lots of ego work. Identify, embrace, calm, dissolve. Love. The present moment does not always reveal the lesson and perhaps this is the frustrating part. The unknown. I have faith in my abilities and I LOVE the Universe for delivering. Perhaps not on my timeline but it always comes back 10-fold.
I was dealing with some bullies (professional setting). I stood my ground and we parted ways. Peacefully but abruptly. A few months later, one of the BOD reached out as they had been watching my social media accounts. They inquired why my public alignment shifted. I shared my side of the event and continued about my day. Troubled, they did their homework and offered me a larger project. My integrity was intact and I was unswayed. Apparently this is a desired character trait. My heart felt full as I’m still actively working through co-dependency. Collateral damage that turned into a serendipity.
Similar, I was presented with an opportunity that ended up dealing with morally compromised people. Not necessarily bullies but erratic, inconsistent and unethical in so many ways. Ironically, I was loud with public support before realising truth. I will never apologise for having faith in the health of people. Sometimes I’m wrong and people are so traumatised, they are blissfully unaware of their garbage. It’s part of life. Another instance of people asking about my public alignment shift. This time, the inquiry was with some investors. I’m an advisor to multiple things and oftentimes bump elbows with international big swingers. They are always keeping an eye out for ways to support my projects. Anyways, I shared my experience. My ability to stand in my truth and ultimate pivot. The process felt lonely but again, it paid off. Apparently, even when your voice shakes, the truth always has a way of turning into a roar. I guess people enjoy whistle-blowers. Who knew?!
The last few months have been tremendous for me. Leaning into so many new experiences. Finding new ways to use my voice. Finding new ways to be graceful with myself. Finding new ways to give a voice to the oftentimes Fear-Riddled Co-dependent Jess to make way for the Empowered Warrior Jess. Deciding which battles to embrace and which ones to walk away from. Sometimes, people are serendipitous. Sometimes they are collateral damage. Sometimes companies are serendipitous. Sometimes they are collateral damage. And more importantly, vice versa.
The pandemic has allowed me to observe sides of humanity I can do without. In 21 weeks, I’ve been consistent with offering affordable ways for the masses to proactively manage their mental health. Did you know domestic violence is at an all time high? AND less than 30% of workplaces even acknowledge violence in the workplace despite 90% of management admitting there is a problem. People are ridiculous. Business is good. I’ve also been subjected to people trying to leverage my kindness (and gifts to the world) for personal gain. I have faith my words will reach the ethically compromised people currently sitting in my heart. You are going to do what you are going to do. I cannot stop you from playing true to who you are. Nor do I have a desire. I will acknowledge I’m very vocal about sharing real experiences. I will acknowledge I prefer not to negotiate with terrorists. I openly admit I do not take kindly to predators or ethically compromised people/companies. I used to allow people to abuse me but I will not be silent when people are actively (and intentionally) causing me harm.
The worst type of person to play with is a survivor of domestic violence who remembered their worth. Once you get a taste of peace, you go to great lengths to protect it.
A moment to breathe… and wait. I have confidence everything will fall into place because I have truth on my side. I always have truth because everything I do is with incredible love. Love for self, then love for others.
I do not negotiate with terrorists.
I will not be silenced.
I enjoy the simple fact its unseen on whether the situation is a serendipity or collateral damage. In the end, everything eventually turns into a serendipity. At least in my world, everything eventually becomes PFM. Pure. Freaking. Magic.