Serendipity & Collateral Damage

There are moments when people cross paths and magic happens and then there are less than magical moments. As I embrace another growth spurt, I’m in new housing, surrounded by a handful of new energy and expanding some of my existing businesses. Summer camp has come to a rather abrupt end (more on this later). Another wave of coaching clients have graduated. Dog clients are starting to re-book. My nutrition offerings have expanded. Group fitness is thriving and expanding… I’m officially certified in all ages (0-4, 4-6, 7-11, adults, 65+differently-abled). I’m expanding my garden… first time nursing a rubber tree. Nesting is one of my favourite things in life. Snuggling into my new nook. Expanding my garden (I enjoy admiring leaves and the veins on the leaves. if you are really still, it’s almost as if you can see the plant sigh). Finding areas to greet the sun and breathe in moments of… magic. Preparing feasts. Learning all the sounds of a new building and offering awkward hellos to neighbors. Figuring out what time the mail arrives and meeting all the delivery people. Bringing myself to a single breath where I can feel the temperature difference between an inhale & an exhale.

Living with people can be serendipitous whilst it can also create collateral damage. I believe we are all transitioning. Transitioning from something… or into something. I love people in transition. I also love people rooted in Self. I LIVE for P.F.M. moments. Pure freaking magic. Yes. The moment where someone is so lost in their moment of doing whatever it is they love. Sometimes people in transition are the BEST for PFM because they are relearning how to love life. Trust me.

Each time I shift house, I gently mourn the transition from the old into the new. The old is comfortable. It’s familiar. It was exactly what my soul needed for that exact moment. Having gratitude for the lessons and honouring growth is important.

Working with people and taking on new clients can be serendipitous whilst it can also create collateral damage. Over the last few years, I’ve realised you have to meet people where they are and not everyone is comfortable with being held accountable. The entire purpose of hiring a coach (me), is to help identify blind spots. To shift from trials to triumph as quickly as possible. I’ve been successful in so many capacities, My entire coaching business is based on lessons from working in foreign countries, being a survivor of domestic violence, and then general … life. We do ego work. Lots of ego work. Identify, embrace, calm, dissolve. Love. The present moment does not always reveal the lesson and perhaps this is the frustrating part. The unknown. I have faith in my abilities and I LOVE the Universe for delivering. Perhaps not on my timeline but it always comes back 10-fold.

I was dealing with some bullies (professional setting). I stood my ground and we parted ways. Peacefully but abruptly. A few months later, one of the BOD reached out as they had been watching my social media accounts. They inquired why my public alignment shifted. I shared my side of the event and continued about my day. Troubled, they did their homework and offered me a larger project. My integrity was intact and I was unswayed. Apparently this is a desired character trait. My heart felt full as I’m still actively working through co-dependency. Collateral damage that turned into a serendipity.

Similar, I was presented with an opportunity that ended up dealing with morally compromised people. Not necessarily bullies but erratic, inconsistent and unethical in so many ways. Ironically, I was loud with public support before realising truth. I will never apologise for having faith in the health of people. Sometimes I’m wrong and people are so traumatised, they are blissfully unaware of their garbage. It’s part of life. Another instance of people asking about my public alignment shift. This time, the inquiry was with some investors. I’m an advisor to multiple things and oftentimes bump elbows with international big swingers. They are always keeping an eye out for ways to support my projects. Anyways, I shared my experience. My ability to stand in my truth and ultimate pivot. The process felt lonely but again, it paid off. Apparently, even when your voice shakes, the truth always has a way of turning into a roar. I guess people enjoy whistle-blowers. Who knew?!

The last few months have been tremendous for me. Leaning into so many new experiences. Finding new ways to use my voice. Finding new ways to be graceful with myself. Finding new ways to give a voice to the oftentimes Fear-Riddled Co-dependent Jess to make way for the Empowered Warrior Jess. Deciding which battles to embrace and which ones to walk away from. Sometimes, people are serendipitous. Sometimes they are collateral damage. Sometimes companies are serendipitous. Sometimes they are collateral damage. And more importantly, vice versa.

The pandemic has allowed me to observe sides of humanity I can do without. In 21 weeks, I’ve been consistent with offering affordable ways for the masses to proactively manage their mental health. Did you know domestic violence is at an all time high? AND less than 30% of workplaces even acknowledge violence in the workplace despite 90% of management admitting there is a problem. People are ridiculous. Business is good. I’ve also been subjected to people trying to leverage my kindness (and gifts to the world) for personal gain. I have faith my words will reach the ethically compromised people currently sitting in my heart. You are going to do what you are going to do. I cannot stop you from playing true to who you are. Nor do I have a desire. I will acknowledge I’m very vocal about sharing real experiences. I will acknowledge I prefer not to negotiate with terrorists. I openly admit I do not take kindly to predators or ethically compromised people/companies. I used to allow people to abuse me but I will not be silent when people are actively (and intentionally) causing me harm.

The worst type of person to play with is a survivor of domestic violence who remembered their worth. Once you get a taste of peace, you go to great lengths to protect it.

A moment to breathe… and wait. I have confidence everything will fall into place because I have truth on my side. I always have truth because everything I do is with incredible love. Love for self, then love for others.

I do not negotiate with terrorists.

I will not be silenced.

I enjoy the simple fact its unseen on whether the situation is a serendipity or collateral damage. In the end, everything eventually turns into a serendipity. At least in my world, everything eventually becomes PFM. Pure. Freaking. Magic.

Stronger Together Newsletter – vol 1

Stronger Together (vol 1)

Stronger Together Newsletters

Another positive of social distancing… time to create HILARIOUS (and powerful) newsletters. I started because one of my Warriors was having a tough day. The newsletters were well received so I continued as a way to share bite-sized healthy habits.

Please share these newsletters with someone you care about. We are #StrongerTogether

Pain is Inevitable. Suffering is Optional.

One of the biggest recent ‘lightbulb’ moments was during a workshop, the speaker said something about how pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. I’ve been sitting on this for a few days. It’s profound. It’s truthful. It’s a bunch of things.

For me, part of the reason why I avoided acknowledging truth was because I was scared of pain. Some days I was in so much pain I honestly thought acknowledging it would kill me. Other days, I was still in pain but realised the only way out was through. I was surrounded by so many people gaslighting me, this was my opportunity to seek truth. Turn into my pain. Acknowledge it. See it. Feel it. Be it. Then let it go.

Last week was emotionally tolling on me. Someone mentioned a statistic that domestic violence cases rose 400% since the nation implemented ‘shelter at home’. 9 weeks. 9 weeks?! I’ll be the first to argue the nuances of abuse. I’ll be the first to offer tools to move through it. I’ll also be the first to step in and fight battles I have zero business being involved in (I’m working on this last part).

My heart sank. Not for me but for each person going through difficulties. Each person suffering in silence. I suffered for a very long time. I didn’t realise I was being abused. I wasn’t ready to acknowledge (or process) a life of half truths. I didn’t realise I was worthy of peace. I didn’t realise I was enough. I accepted the words of people telling me I was not enough. I tried to be perfect. I did the best with what I had. I also trained myself to find the silver lining in all situations. I allowed myself to suffer. I forgive myself for allowing it to happen for so long. I suffered by staying in this space rather than move through it.

Suffering was learning how to be invisible and dampening my quirks. 400%. A week later, my heart still feels all sorts of ways. A National statistic. It’s ridiculous. It’s sickening. Imagine all the people who are not even part of the statistic because they have not broken their silence?! Insanity.

I have been using my platform to continue to raise awareness. I’ve been hosting conversations about both Domestic Violence and Mental Health. May is mental health awareness month. I still go back and forth with ignorance. Can trauma be so bad the ego legitimately refuses self to acknowledge truth? Without truth, how can one move through? How does one end suffering? A few years ago I was very triggered with telling people I was a survivor of domestic violence. The first year, I REFUSED to call myself a victim. My father tried to kill me, twice. The longer he refuses to acknowledge and move through this with me, the more my heart is able to accept he is OK with it. How can a sane human being be OK with trying to kill their child? Even an adult child. It makes zero sense. I do not have bruises. I do not have broken bones. I do not have visual wounds. I’m a survivor of gun violence. I’m a survivor of emotional abuse. I’m a survivor of psychological warfare. My wounds are invisible. 400% increase in domestic violence cases. Most of which have visual wounds. What about the invisible wounds? What about the survivors of gun violence? What about the people with fear because their life was actually threatened? What about the people who are suffering in silence? My heart breaks. I remember what it felt like to not be seen. I remember what it felt like when no one believed me. I remember what it felt like when the people I confided in treated me like I was broken.

I’m not sure if I’m feeling this sort of way because I remember the extreme pain (and suffering) associated with a healing journey? Or the mass confusion? Perhaps I’m sitting with the memory to rebuild a sense of self whilst having zero idea of what that means?

I’m not sure.

I feel rage. Rage for people suffering in silence. Rage for people dealing with others saying “stay home, save lives”. Rage for people who are being hurt. Rage for people with low self-worth. Rage for people who don’t even recognise they are being abused. I’m angry. I’m hurt. I revealed a wound in need of a bit of TLC.

I feel selfish looking after myself when I should be doing more to help others. And just then, I remind myself the best way to help others is to continue my healing. Continue to stay in my lane. Continue to wait for a phone call…

I cannot help people who do not want to be helped. THIS is where the true pain lays. I spent a majority of my life creating magic for others and now I’m confronted with an opportunity to create magic for myself, resulting in magic for others.

I still desire helping others. Empowering others. My test is patiently waiting for others to ask for my help. Patiently wait for others to seek my support. Until then, I continue to dance in my lane.

It’s difficult to acknowledge pain. For me, it was the ONLY way to end my suffering.

The journey continues.

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