‘I am not my thoughts. I am the awareness beyond them’

Reminding myself that the Universe is speaking to me. Offering messages to help me, teach me, inspire me. Some messages are welcomed and others are massively unexpected. Everything is what I need… perhaps not what I want but always what I need.

As I continue to focus on self-care, I’m reminded of who should be allowed into my space. Lots of things are starting to crop up. Generally speaking, this is a sign that I’m about to step into a new space! Another expansion. As much as I try to observe the body (and master the mind), I pause. I acknowledge that right now I am experiencing a side step. The best way for me to change patterns is to give words to what’s happening within. For some reason, sharing words reduces the power a situation has over me.

Any successful business person knows that when you are excited about something, it’s important to check yourself and the “opportunity” with three people you trust. The world has master manipulators and acknowledging that I am in an emotional state (excited) is all the more reason to ask a rational friend for their perspective. Or in my case, three rational friends. My ask to them, “I’m super excited about xxx, can you please have a look at some information and point out my blind spots before I dive in?” This is two-part, if I cannot ask this question, then the person has no business being in my inner circle because well, trust. If the person takes this request lightly, then the person needs to be replaced because well, lack of respect. This is an indication that I’ve outgrown my surroundings.

Any emotionally balanced person knows the importance of holding space. And showing up. And living with integrity. My world is filled with soft souls that are transparent when going through a struggle. My world is also sprinkled with people that insist on ‘powering through at all costs’. The latter represents my old life. For the most part, their lumpy bits have zero effect on me but on occasion, I’ll miscalculate their limits and their [unprocessed] pain manifests in ways that could easily be interpreted as harmful behaviour. There is no lost love because I know it’s not because of me. It’s a simple observation that reminds me of the importance of detachment. Connected to self and so focused on self-care that I’m able to [peacefully] detach and create space for expanding energy.

There are a million perspectives to consider but only one that really matters: mine. I say this not to be arrogant or selfish but to be truthful. I’ve just had a wave of people that questioned my self-care practices, dismissed my existence, or when I used my voice to establish a healthy boundary, they pushed back. Harmful behaviour. Knowing that I’m reshuffling priorities is difficult. For a while, I was the ‘fancy friend that lived in exotic countries.’ Or the ‘light on dark days.’ Or ‘constantly bursting with positive perspectives.’ I got tired of those roles and started holding space for myself. Nowadays when people make one of those comments, I pitch one of my hustles ‘…and that’s why I’m a resilience coach, let me know when you are ready to hire me’ or ‘…I’ve been living life intentionally for 4 years. Happy to teach you, let me know when you are ready to hire me.’ or ‘I’ve done energy work on people all over the world, let me know when you are ready to hire me.’.

During a season where I need to be protective of my energy, I find myself repeating words that I don’t really like saying, “This connection is no longer a safe place. It is not serving my highest self. Our paths are diverging.” I’m getting better at saying this to the clouds but every once in a while I say it out loud. Breaking up with friends tends to come out awkward, but ghosting feels rude.

Woke people are my favourite. They embrace my words as my truth and know that if it’s meant to be, our paths will cross again. They do not take anything personally as it’s a sign of my lack of tolerance just as much as their lack of sensitivity. Neither being right or wrong, just accepting that we grew apart. [Not] woke people are not my favourite. They take most things personally. They push back with namecalling, excuses, or justifications. All of it is irrelevant. The main point is they are prioritising their hurt over my needs. Their emotions are their issue, not mine. And for the first time in a long while, I’m perfectly OK with the pushback. I’m starting to be OK with people having heavy feelings. On occasion, I’ve been snapping back. But mostly, I’m just letting go. After all, my garden is for flowers, not weeds.

The ironic part is I still know the consequences of my words. words to build. words to break. Knowing I [might] still have this darkness within… my choice to build indicates health, my choice to break indicates areas for self-care… At the end of the day, strength comes from being able to understand which triggers are useful for continued growth and which triggers only lead to absolute destruction.

Constantly reminding myself that the Universe is teaching me something. Are the people I’m surrounding myself with helping me or hurting me? The better question, am I protecting myself or allowing others to cause me harm?

 

 

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