I’m proud to be the White Sheep in a dysfunctional (bio) family

Last week, I had an interesting phone call. It was from a person that was pretending to care about me and my healing journey. It was odd but expected. I didn’t entertain his judgements. As a matter of fact, it was easy to deflect and even easier to understand knowing that this was the first time that I stood my ground with ‘My feelings are valid’.  According to him, my existence is not valid because he expected me to apologise for being hurt because someone betrayed my trust. Chances are he is reading my blog to see what I have to say about the ordeal. I assume this because that’s how dysfunction works, they provoke then stalk. They want to see if they are important enough to elicit an emotional response. To be honest, it’s nothing more than a game.

I can easily say that they have their own demons to fight. I can pity them for lashing out. I knew things would get ugly because these people come from the mindset that family is family. They think that holding the title family gives you the right to be rude, crude and socially unacceptable. They can walk away from others without a care in the world but when someone walks away from them, it’s a situation. It’s baffling but also understandable. I just wish that they didn’t use my Grandfather’s good name in the conditioning/mirroring process because they are NOT deserving of that honour. If my Grandfather was alive, he would be disappointed to know these people treated me in the manner in which they treated me. I did nothing to deserve to have my trust betrayed. They were allowed into my world for about 9 months. I allowed them access to me for 9 months and they were quickly removed after I found out they betrayed my trust. They confronted me. A bit of baiting during the confrontation. Easy decision to walk away. I’m proud of myself because my processing is improving. More importantly, my self-love is also improving.

In terms of defining family (society definition is DNA), it took me years to decide what to do with my biological father. It took me months to decide what to do with my biological mother. It took me a few hours to decide what to do with my Great Aunties/Uncles. Society seems to preach that family is family and one should always respect their elders and be seen, not heard. Perhaps those ideas are just in my family but still… I define family with love, loyalty, and respect. To me, these people are NOT family. I made a simple request. It was not respected so I walked away. Simple. Leaving resulted in being called Garbage (auntie) and that I need professional help (uncle). And for what? Because I left my mom’s house under protest to seek refuge with them? I left to avoid being bombarded by a game playing brother only to be bombarded by game playing (and deceitful) aunties. Classic Corvo move. Classic. I was clouded by the idea of Grandpa that I completely missed the fact that they are more similar to the dysfunctional part of the family as opposed to the functional side. Very interesting plot twist! Very important lesson. I did not expect that to happen. BUT as any good twist, there is always a lesson to be learned.

The lesson for this set of betrayals is writing a book. Redefining family. I’ve already been testing out some material on various social media platforms. I’ve also connected with some pretty amazing people in the Domestic Violence space. My creative juices are flowing. My energy is stable. My mind is clear. My heart still hurts a bit but it’s part of the process. The healing process. It’s amazing the amount of growth that takes place when surrounded by people that actually care. Love really does conquer all! And I keep proving resilience to myself. When I left the midwest, my heart was broken. I didn’t want to leave but I had to leave. I cried the entire drive to Florida at the thought that my mother was suffering or that she thought I didn’t care. She has the devil whispering in her ear and he’s been working on her for 19 weeks so staying would not have been productive for anyone. But I cried most of the drive south. My aunties had been trying to get me to Florida since the first week of July. It took me nearly 2 months to accept their invitation. 2 months. They offered hugs and love and delivered judgements and betrayal. This type of disharmony is expected when dealing with anyone in the family. It’s sad, but expected.

From a gratitude perspective, I’m actually relieved that things unfolded the way that they did. These people cannot manage a conversation without spilling the beans about others in the family. If they are telling me someone else’s business, they are telling others my business. It’s pretty basic. So realizing this now keeps my life simple and drama free. I’m grateful that I was able to see their true intentions.

From a spiritual perspective, the faster I remove toxic, the quicker I can be engulfed with love. Since I didn’t confront this situation, it was very interesting how quickly the Universe wanted to celebrate my self-control. I had a series of positive affirmations and ‘Earth Angels’ to show that I was on the right path. It was pretty magical.

From a healing perspective, the betrayal hurt. Betrayal always hurts. One of my soft points is shifting from freeze to flight. And from flight to fight. Silence is a response but when they confronted me, I was able to articulate to one auntie “I’m in an emotional state and cannot be reasonable. I am leaving for a few hours to collect my thoughts. When I come back, I will advise if I will stay or if I will leave.” Being able to articulate that is kind of badass. I was totally provoked and shut it down like a pro. The next day, when I was called by my uncle, I could have easily sent the phone call to voicemail. I could have also said a few choice words. Rather, I accepted his distorted view of the situation and asked if there was anything else that he felt I needed to work on. Being able to say that is also proof of my healing.

From an ego perspective, I didn’t argue or defend. I take that back, there was a moment where one auntie went on some tangent about me ignoring her emails. I showed her the emails where she failed to respond to me. Her projection put me on the defensive for a few minutes. She knew that she betrayed me and was trying to find a way to shift the blame. I quickly realised the game and disengaged. Liars lie and dysfunctional people don’t apologise. It’s pretty basic. It’s all a game.

Nothing more than a game. I’ve officially stopped playing. They were my last attempt at reconnecting with DNA based family. It didn’t work. I accept that. Now it’s time to refocus and invest my energy into people that are worthy of my time. My magic. My presence. My family is sprinkled all around the world. I have accepted my new title, I am PROUD to be the WHITE SHEEP of the Corvo family.

The family I created during my 11 years of living in Asia has shown me more love and support than anyone I share DNA with. It’s so simple and yet it took this last string of betrayals for me to accept that family is simply NOT family. Family is love, loyalty, and respect. Nothing more or less.

#WhyIWrite #MentalWellness #DomesticViolence #EmotionalAbuse #NoMeansNo #Betrayal #RedefineFamily #ItsOKtoNotBeOK #DysfunctionalFamily #UnhealthyBoundaries #Projections #HurtPeopleHurtPeople #NotTodaySatan #SmokeAndMirrors #JourneyToPeace

 

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