Oftentimes, I receive ‘random’ messages from people in my social network. They compliment my bravery to share my story of domestic violence. They admit that my vulnerability created space for them to also be vulnerable. They adopt some of my healthy habits into their life. The sky is the limit on comments that slide into my DMs.
Last week was kind of funny. Not in a HA HA way but in a very empowering way. Last week, I was dipping into old posts to check my own personal healing (last year this time was the big discard with my mother – when my heart went from broken to shattered). Last week, I used my voice with people that were starting to take my kindness for granted (mostly professional contacts that needed a reminder on symbiotic exchanges). Last week, I also removed a handful of people that I lost faith were capable of being decent human beings (rejected a few client offers and backed out of a housing gig). And with each moment of standing in my truth, I was rewarded with a testimony of my value added to another person’s journey. Life is so good. The Universe is magical.
Sometimes it bothers me that people send me private messages rather than publicly acknowledge that I’ve inspired/helped them in some small way. Public comments/testimonies are important for social validation on value added. My entire coaching business is based on referrals. It’s during these moments that I remind myself of two things. 1. not everyone is out of the woods and sometimes a private message is their way to protect me from the aggressors/them from pushback or 2. the person is lying to me and doing the bare minimum to stay on my radar.
And so I breathe.
I know I’m good at what I do. My existence is proof that I’m good. I dodged the literal bullet in 2009 and have been dodging (or embracing) emotional bullets ever since. My life is very simple because of a few key principles. These principles help shift my focus and also hold myself accountable. These principles help me stand in my truth and live a life filled with integrity. When people ask why my stress level is so low, it’s simple, I mean what I say and I say what I mean. I expect the same from people I allow into my community. Life is about healthy habits. What happens when you don’t know how to define health?
Once is a mistake, twice is a decision. If I use my voice to share that someone is hurting me and they do not immediately change their behaviour, it means they do not respect me. My feelings are not negotiable. This is a low vibrational friendship. Removing myself from these friendships is an act of self-care.
Compliments and criticisms are nothing more than projections. I can always monitor the health of someone based on the way they speak about others and what they focus on when speaking with me. I view most people as monkeys throwing their poop. This visual helps me stay detached and not take their compliments (or criticisms) to heart. Surrounding myself with healthy people is another form of self-care.
Emotions are simply my spirit communicating with my body. I used to suppress my heavy emotions. I would resent some of my emotions, thinking they were too much. Currently, I share what’s in my heart. I hold space for myself to release whatever needs to be released. If rejected by others, then cool. If embraced by others, then cool. I low key enjoy my large emotions because it’s the FASTEST way to confirm who loves me. The bigger the emotions, the stronger the message on where I need to focus and re-align. This process is essential for self-care.
Nothing is an accident, everything is by design. I believe in magic. Every once in a while, I jump down a rabbit hole and cannot see the magic. When feeling overwhelmed, I try to control things within reach. It’s at this exact moment that I remind myself that the only thing I can control is my mind, my perspective, and how I choose to show up in life. Sometimes the simple fact that the Universe has something so much bigger in store for me is what helps me find the lesson and move through whatever sidestep has manifested. Shifting from control my surroundings to control my perspective. A purified mind is the best-kept secret for self-care.
Take what you like, leave the rest. This slogan has been a gamechanger. Shifting from solving everyone’s problems to only absorbing what is good for me. This felt extremely selfish at first but now it’s the norm. I often find myself telling others ‘that’s not my problem’. Detaching with love is the ultimate form of self-care.
#SelfCare #SelfLove #HealthyBoundaries #TraumaRecovery #DetachWithLove #Resilience