Being a survivor of domestic violence is not something that one can necessarily talk about at the dinner table. It’s a dirty secret that is socially unacceptable. Part of the healing process is the ability to speak about your experiences. The more you talk about it, the clearer your mind becomes on what is functional and what is dysfunctional. The conditioning period for victims can take days, months or years. So standards of acceptable behaviour can be all over the place.
I had many sidesteps during my healing journey. To be honest, healing never really stops. Healing is a conscious decision to never give up. It’s a decision to put yourself back into the driver’s seat. It’s making sure that you find the lesson in the abuse and use that to fuel something incredible.
One of the most powerful shifts for me was remembering that life doesn’t happen TO me, it happens FOR me. Early days of realising I was being abused, I had a lot of anger. Why would someone want to hurt me? What did I do to deserve this? What was it about me that made me vulnerable? So many questions. So many things to think about… And then there was a period of digesting so much information. It was trying to classify what was happening. Giving it a name and context. Then there was a tremendous amount of guilt and what seemed like countless toxic cycles that needed to be addressed and broken. Lots of inner work…
Life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you.
Such a powerful statement. Historically, there have been so many people that insist that I focus on gratitude. Other people insist that I stay present. Some people promote resilience… and my favourite group of people simply celebrate all aspects without judgement and allow me to be the one to decide on when to apply what to when…
I’m breaking cycles like it’s my job. My only mission is personal wellness and reinforcing the internal messaging that I am worthy. My head knows this but my heart is being stubborn. My heart still insists on putting others before myself. This is the most difficult cycle to break but I’m well on my way. I will not be defeated.
I am worthy of the same magic that I offer others.
#WhyIWrite #DomesticViolence #EmotionalAbuse #Rewiring #Healing #Resilience #Recovery #ItsOKtoNotBeOk #OneDayAtATime #Perspective #JourneyToPeace