When Others Test Your Boundaries. Breathe.

With the energy of the full moon, a handful of people have been surfacing and exposing their truth. For the most part, I’m surrounded by healthy people. Health being defined as being emotionally mature, spiritually responsible and above all, just a decent human being that respects my boundaries.

As the wave continues, I’m feeling super grateful. On one side, I can see clear as day when people get “angry” with my truth. My truth does not need to be their truth. My truth is my truth. Their truth is their truth. Both are fine. No stress.

These energies are interesting as they are projections of inadequacy. Rather than these people continue to work on themselves, they criticise me. Sometimes it’s easier for others to judge than it is to simply put in the work. I only mention these energies to reflect on recovery in its wholeness. I feel it’s important to share how I’m moving through my journey, not just the build but the [potential] sidesteps. Pro-tip, nothing is personal. Stay detached to others and connected with self. Always. Every.single.breath.

I’ve been reinstating boundaries with a few people in the last few days. A few people, I’ve even so much as shared how I felt with hopes that they would apologise. That was my first mistake, I was expecting reasonable behaviour from unreasonable people. Why? Because I forgot to accept where they are at this exact moment. A guilty pleasure is to treat people the way that I wish to be treated. I prioritised their potential rather than their current state of being. When people think there is a possibility to sneak back into my world, they will say whatever they need to say (love bombing) but once I hold a firm boundary, their mask falls off.

A few examples.

My biological family. Great Aunties. Last summer, I turned to family. My world was falling apart and I was convinced my mother was going to die. She was having an emergency open-heart surgery. She was my world. To move through this, I left town and took refuge with them. My only request was to not tell anyone I was there. My only request was dishonoured within 4 days. I responded by leaving and since then, not a single apology. One auntie literally screamed at me, another lied to my face and then an uncle told me that I need professional help. Opportunity to demonstrate self-care and stand in my integrity. The silver lining is through their behaviour, I was able to realise the importance of letting go of society’s concept of family and redefine it as love, loyalty, and respect. They do not qualify to be in my world.

A friend. Broken spirits have a way of finding one another. Usually, this is a magical space because being understood without explaining is such a powerful thing. Fewer words, more hugs. It works until it no longer works. I progress with my healing at a rather fast rate. Considering I moved to ground zero to confront my pain, I acknowledge that I’m supernatural. The judgement comes from a person that is still in cycle and rather than support me, she resents my continued healing. Opportunity to demonstrate self-care and stand in my integrity. The silver lining is through her behaviour, I’m reminded to depend on myself and stand in my integrity. By standing in my integrity, I am forced to acknowledge when I prioritise potential rather than current state of being.

I no longer play with unhealthy people. I set a boundary and disengage. It’s simple.

I will pray for them.

Being still and observing as various emotions surface. Deciphering whether the emotions are mine or theirs. Deciding which truth I accept. Connecting to self at the deepest level. Riding the wave. Breathing through the moment. Knowing, deep down, that I’m breaking my cortisol addiction. No more are the days where someone can say something where my response is “I’ll show you!” Rather, my current response is “I no longer subscribe to your reality” or “You are allowed to think/feel however you need to right now. I wish you well.”

And just like that, I shift my attention to messages from fellow builders. A few people in the same coaching programme. One asked me to do a skills lab. Another asked me about the new coaching website (I’ll share more in another post – SUPER excited). A group instructor sharing coursework (expand our knowledge base for STRONG by zumba). A friend invited me to spend more time with the dragonboat people. So much positivity and support. So much love.

I’m able to acknowledge the teachers without resentment. Rather, just a buttload of appreciation as they reminded me of my growth and progression with my journey. Healing from domestic violence is a delicate dance of acknowledging cycles to heal whilst tapping into healthy people to encourage growth. Consistently auditing my circle of influence to ensure that everyone is [still] adding value. Living up to a slogan of ‘just because I can, doesn’t mean I have to.’

I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. I’m blessed on so many levels. My journey continues…

#Resilience #NoMeansNo #SelfCare #HealthyBoundaries #Tribe #DomesticViolence #Recovery #BeYourOwnHero