Observe the Body, Master the Mind

Most know that when I get on the gratitude train, it’s because I’m working through a hardship. Perhaps something small like a misstep or perhaps something threatened my bubble of magic. Typically my way out of the darkness is writing a buttload of letters of gratitude. This is a phenomenal habit but it’s not helpful for my current season. I didn’t need to find the gratitude, I needed to accept reality. I needed to crack my rose coloured lens and seek truth. Not everyone has a pure heart or honourable intentions. Can I find the strength to forgive myself and others for intentionally, maliciously, AND habitually causing me harm? Do I fully understand that being quiet about dysfunction is enabling the behaviour to continue? Is it my battle to embrace? Silence is acceptance. My silence is giving the message that the behaviour is acceptable. When I’m quiet, there are no consequences other than my pain. Silence is one of the biggest factors on why domestic violence continues. Lack of accountability is another. If you knew you could get away with something, would you do it? (the mass majority of humanity lacks integrity so the answer can be assumed YES).

This cycle is not healthy. It’s mental gymnastics. To slow myself down, I decided to explore meditation practices. It took me a few years to find one that made me comfortable. I found peace with Vipassana. Hardly doing anything half-way… my deep dive was in terms of a 10-day silence retreat on a secluded island… in the tropics.

Meditation was the perfect tool to help me get comfortable with all my suppressed emotions. Process all my inner garbage. Learn to love myself. And understand how everything is connected… I acknowledged a problem (overactive mind) and I congratulate myself for seeking help to slow myself down. Learn how to be present. Be mode.

It was time to get to work.

My first 10-day retreat was interesting: I was looking for validation but validation of what? I was looking for understanding but understanding of what? I didn’t need a solution or someone to point out my shortcomings. I knew what was needed. The answers were within. But how to crack the code? How to translate the feels? How to understand myself at core level? I needed to break my rose coloured lens. I knew the reality. It was time to accept it. I was successful in building my support network and intuitively knowing what I needed. But something happened and I needed to reset. Was I ready to acknowledge what was happening? Sit with my emotions. Familiarise myself with the emotions. Is it anger? Pain? Feeling betrayed? Helplessness? Empowerment? Being taken for granted? Observe the body, stop looking for a label. What is happening to the body. Heart rate is elevated. Skin is crawling. Stomach feels like someone just punched me. Lungs feel like someone is squeezing them. My toes are numb. My shoulders are tense. My back hurts. The only comfortable position is laying on the cold floor in fetal position. Do you think anyone would notice? Sit up, Jess. Fix your posture. Vipassana style. 3 deep breaths. Try again! Observe the body. Observe. Let the thoughts run out just as fast as they ran in. Observe the body. The storm passes. I rode the wave. Now can we talk about it?

The glow in my soul was ridiculous. It was noticed by everyone. I’m usually a burst of sunshine but after a meditation retreat… and the massive purification. It’s one for the books! My first retreat was in 2014. I’ve completed a 10-day sit as both a student and a server each year since. My last retreat was in 2017. This tool is super powerful. It’s tough work but so incredibly powerful.

It takes 10 days to learn the process. It takes a lot of work to purify your soul. The most magical part is the increased sensitivity to the world… now that I can see things as truth and I know how to listen to my intuition (once again), I can choose when to apply my rose coloured lens. I suspect my next objective is a matter of learning (and enforcing) healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries mean that I can maintain my spiritual wellness rather than be in a state of fixing myself.

Mindset. Simply compassion. And love. And gratitude towards others. Nothing is permanent. Nothing is fatal. Just breathe in and breathe out. Observe. And acknowledge that everything happens for a reason.

This procedure is tough. Observing the body to master the mind. I had no idea all the things I was doing to protect myself. Autopilot. I had no idea that I was operating with a fear-based mindset. It has taken me a few years to reprogramme my core. I still have rough edges but that’s the beauty in the journey. There is always something to appreciate whilst there is always something to tweak.

Meditation helps me stay present, be connected to my higher power, & most importantly understand the depth of my soul.

#Vipassana #Meditation #SelfCare #Recovery #Healing #Light #Love #Anicha #CoreWork #JourneyToPeace

 

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