Overview on the Conference
Grateful to have shared a virtual stage with some of the literal smartest people in the world. In addition, one person coined the term “narc fleas”. My Recovery Journey came with a lot of plot twists. It was lonely. Heartbreaking then Enlightening. Isolating then Freeing. Everything and Nothing. It was pure Darkness then Light. Essentially, it’s shedding the role I thought I had to play to create space for the person I truly am. Check out the fangirl moment at the very end (I made a separate video expressing my joy related to narc fleas).
None of my videos are scripted. As part of my journey, I shut down my head and invite my heart to take the lead. Interestingly enough, I only shared my topic a few hours before the event. I hope this sharing brings comfort to those on their own journey. My oversimplified process is:
- Accept the Challenge
- Understand
- Purify
- Let Go (forgiveness)
- Expand
Reflecting on Blessings
Breaking my silence with domestic violence was NOT easy. Being a public speaker of truth comes with so many challenges and opportunities. Each day I choose love. Love is giving people the opportunity to hurt you and trusting they will not. I give everyone an opportunity to be in my world. To stay requires kindness. Kindness to Self and kindness to others. I’m incredibly blessed to have the strength to lean in. The strength to love. The strength to take everything one day at a time.
Reflecting on Lessons
Some people are emotionally and mentally unstable. They might have good intentions but flawed execution. Perhaps their trauma prevents them from behaving in ways that are useful, productive, or kind. Sometimes trauma creates a fragmented concept of Self. Sometimes there is no Self. I struggle to accept the concept of a lack of Self. Each time I find myself more curious with others rather than curious with (my) Self, I am falling off my recovery wagon (and slipping into codependency). This conference reminded me just how far I have come. It also allowed me to lean into a new layer of compassion for those with a flawed sense of reality or a distorted concept of Self. Fundamentally, I understand multiple realities exist. I struggle with cluster b personalities. My experience is they have a higher probability to lie. Is it lying or simply a flawed sense of reality? (CONFABULATION is the word I’m leaning into).
Be gentle with yourself
Survivors of psychological warfare, the heart needs to believe people have pure intentions. However, the mind and body have experienced that not all people have pure intentions. There is a thin line between a false reality and manipulation. Most will argue the difference is intention. I will argue the difference is awareness.
If a person is aware of their behaviour and choose not to change it, they have just revealed their character. Remember 3 sayings.
- An apology without changed behaviour is a manipulation.
- Once is a mistake, twice is a decision.
- Words are who a person wants to be. Actions are who they are.
At the end of the day, we are responsible for ourselves, not others. When our reality is flawed, it’s our responsibility to purify. When the reality of another is flawed, it’s their responsibility to purify. It’s easy to want to help others. At the same time, it’s not our business to get in the way of another person’s journey. More importantly, it’s incredibly selfish to deprive another of fully experiencing the most powerful journey of their existence.