One of the best things about quarantine is realising I was living my ideal life. A life I was actually proud of. It took me 18 months of active building to create this life. A life I did not need to escape. In my flow of doing what made me feel alive. A flow of offering my gifts to the world… A flow of love.
As most people are sat at home thinking about their life and their decisions. I am sat here honouring the last 18 months of healthy decisions. Honestly, there were so many uncomfortable moments. Growth is extremely uncomfortable. I’m familiar with being uncomfortable, mentally and physically. I’m used to frustration resulting in tears. The infamous moment of looking to the sky to proclaim, “I cannot do this. Just tell me what you want?! Show me the way!” As if giving a voice to the moment, the sky opens, the heavens laugh, and the Universe snickers with, ‘I FINALLY got your attention, you stubborn little bugger!’ (It’s been a while since such a proclamation).
I’ve been very focused on building my [fun] hustle life. I’ve been focused on accepting my family life. I have been blissfully ignoring my personal life. Another beautiful realisation. Quarantine is the decision-maker for a life partner. For years, I joked about only taking myself out of celibacy for a Sunday morning person. I’m physically attractive. I would be remiss to ignore the objectifying attention I often get from men. Most days, I can brush it off but deep down, it tugs on my heartstrings when a man only sees the smile in my lips or the way my clothing tugs in certain ways. These men are called Saturday night people. A Sunday morning person offers more depth. They realise the real prize is the space between my ears and the thump in my chest. It’s been a few years, I’m so grateful for the quarantine because it’s exposing the Sunday morning people.
A walk in the park revealed a bunch of things today. To start, people were talking to one another. Eye contact. Intimacy. I haven’t seen this in quite some time. People enjoying their animals. I realise I’m a dog walker so acknowledging people are out playing with their own dog is well, not good for my business but meh. Pet owners can call me when they go on a holiday. Seriously though, a family was celebrating graduation. They made a person out of balloons for their grad. Dogs helped owners make friends. I heard laughter in random places. I’m usually the one laughing and today I heard it from so many places around the park. Families were enjoying time together. One family had some sort of tent, perhaps an adventure for their kids…
Ironically, I’ve been self-isolating. I’ve been minding my business and keeping to myself. In 8 weeks, I offered 80+ virtual fitness classes, joined countless virtual classes, learned some new recipes (banana skin bacon anyone?), caught up on reading, launched 2 coaching programmes, 5 guest speaking gigs, and napping. I’m back on track with giving my soul some TLC. BEING is just as important as DOING. Between all of this, I’ve only left the house 6 times in 8 weeks. Grocery shopping every 2 weeks and then 2 long walks (to the same park). I share in the spirit of personal self-control and minding the rules of social distancing. Plus, I have an essential worker as a housemate so I’m doing my part to reduce the spread.
For the first time in 18 months, I felt my entire outer world is in harmony with my inner world. 18 months of creating and holding boundaries with people who were accustomed to hurting me. 18 months of saying no to abuse or abusive people. 18 months of being ok with making other people uncomfortable (others should feel uncomfortable when they cross a boundary). 18 months of work. Hard work.
Being able to convert Chicago from a place of immense pain into a place of love has been a mission. Chicago is ground zero. Chicago is where my life was threatened on two occasions. First via strangulation and then via loaded gun. I’m a survivor of domestic violence. A majority of my blog has been open processing this chapter of my recovery journey. My mission, #JourneyToPeace.
During the last 18 months, I’ve been greeted with a bunch of adversity. Some people unwilling to accept my new healthy terms, others leveraging my ‘pre-conditioning’ as an invitation to test my healing, others just flat out broken and blissfully unaware of their garbage… and today, it felt right. I was able to witness, en masse, so many human beings choosing LOVE. Doing the little things. Paying attention. Sharing time. Sharing energy. Spreading love.
Quarantine has given me the opportunity to appreciate Sunday morning people. Whether it’s friends, dating, partnerships or tribe. Today, the Universe was offering me a nod. The Universe showed me an entire park filled with Sunday morning people.
Maybe it’s time to open my heart to the idea of dating…
The journey continues.