The last few days, I’ve been wrapped up in my feels. With the collective awakening, I’m tickled to be in the position I am currently in… I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
I for one, LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEEEE the awakening. The first time I was forced to deal with mortality was in 2004. My first reaction was anger. This is essentially what the world is experiencing. Mass anger (with an unhealthy dose of mass confusion). The second time I was forced to deal with mortality was in 2009. My first reaction was sadness (and confusion). The collective will shift into this space in the coming weeks… The third time I dealt with mortality was self-inflicted. It was pure indifference and I hope the collective skips this step. This time… I’m creating. I’m doing my best to stay connected to self and detached to others. I’m also making sure to be super intentional with what I’m consuming (news, people, energy, food… everything).
I was a digital nomad for a few years so it’s relatively managable for me to adjust to social distancing and what has become the new norm of life via virtual conferencing calls.
Surface level, I am in a good space. This is a massive opportunity to accept truth. I have a funny habit of seeing the potential in others rather than the reality. This global “bump” is making people’s intentions very obvious. Some truths are expected and others are kind of surprising. I honour having a good heart. I’m apprehensive on why I’m surprised with some truths. My rose coloured lens is still strong.
Going a bit deeper, I’m grounded. Mostly grounded. The only real sidestep is with my biological family. After a lifetime of being in denial of family abuse, my mother offered me an apology. I took my time to process this event. To be honest, this is a pretty big deal. The only question was the intention behind the apology. I’m grateful she shared her truth, the concept of family is prioritised over individual wellness. The only request remains for people to stop talking about me behind my back (an 8-year request). My brother and I have been estranged since 2012. My father and I have been estranged since 2017. My mother and I have been estranged since 2018. Domestic violence tends to put a strain on relationships. Especially when the abused refuses to well, accept abuse. I know they are doing the best they can with the tools they have. The truth remains you cannot force what is not meant to be. They are still very unhealthy (for me). My heart continues to hurt for the world they live in. I love them. I love my entire family.
Going even deeper, something is stirring. My dreams have been super active. My sleep is all over the place. My body is aching in places it hasn’t ached before. I’m trying to stay on top of my hydration and open to the Universe. Things are bothering me less. My mind seems to be more similar to ironman processing than trauma led.
I cannot help but remind myself of the training cycle. When I was training for Ironman, I put in the time for swimming, biking, running, nutrition and rest. Rest was a component of training I knew but often forgot. It’s time to take a moment to rest.
Rest and celebrate. I’m in a season of celebrating all things. All the relationships I have been curating. All the love I have been spreading. All the seeds I have been planting. THIS is the time for harvest. I’ve been super blessed to be surrounded by such empowered people.
It’s time to rest and honour the fact the Universe loves me. Super blessed. Super humbled. I know the Universe loves me because it’s offering me opportunities to laugh. Today’s laughter was my red solo cup. As the world goes crazy and argues over toilet paper, I decided to disengage by silent protest. Rather than use paper, I’ve been cleaning with a red solo cup. Today the water in my cup was cold. I nearly froze my lady bits. I almost fell into the toilet. The Universe always provides a good laugh…
The journey continues…