Allowing myself time to digest all the magic that took place last month. October is Domestic Violence awareness month. Throughout the month, I published a series on Linkedin to simply have a conversation. I shared my tips on how I was (and continue) to crush goals (create magic) in public whilst dealing with domestic violence behind closed doors. How do I maintain my sanity? How do I continue to love? Do I actually trust others? What are my evolving self-care practices? So much was shared throughout the month. I had survivors breaking their silence. YES! I created a space where survivors felt safe enough to share their story within my video series. How awesome is that? Honestly.
The first video was the only one where I need to set the tone and expectations for rules of engagement. I did so by embracing the sarcasm of a troll by asking about their way of coping with DV. They blocked me. I hope they have since found a place to heal. I passed my test.
MY videos (collectively) had over 20,000 views. That’s such a blessing. Very humbled that my videos literally reached to various corners of the world. As a matter of fact, I was able to launch another coaching programme a few days ago. So many people commented on my energy. Maintaining a calmness or even a lighthearted nature whilst talking about domestic violence (oftentimes sharing snippets of personal trauma) with a smile. Perhaps that’s a sign of continued growth. Acceptance. Surrender. Trust. Flow. Letting go. I’m not sure which part of the journey I’m at but so many good things cropped up and out throughout the month.
Last night, I received a (well-timed) phone call from a kindred soul. Our paths crossed when I was on a roadtrip. I was driving from Chicago to Florida and then back up the east coast. I found myself somewhere in the Carolinas. There was a hurricane approaching. Hurricane Michael. The Universe is funny, that’s the name of my biological brother. Last year I was still running… The time with my friend was special. We met at a recovery meeting. At a church. Overwhelmed with pain and feeling a wave consuming me. It was my turn to share. A flow of emotions poured out. I don’t remember what the topic was but I blurted out a flow of words: being tired of trying not to take up space. Being invisible. I was tired of being invisible. I was tired of swallowing my emotions so others felt comfortable. I was tired of having a hurting heart. I was tired of looking after others that didn’t care about me. I was over it on so many levels and didn’t know what to do. I was overwhelmed. THIS was my break the silence moment. My moment. Enough was enough. Somewhere within my sharing, this soul found me and invited me into her space: to visit a community center. We had a beautiful chat. She’s a mother putting herself together and questioning if she was a good mother. I’m a daughter putting myself together and questioning if I am a good daughter. Kindred souls that needed to see one another at that exact moment. Humbling. This is the soul that called me last night. Just over a year. A spot check. To say hello. Both further along in our respective journey. Continuing to reach out to the Universe for new ways to live. To love. To laugh. To feel safe. And the reminder… the Universal reminder to simply be. To take up space.
My friend didn’t realise that was the message (and reminder) that I needed to hear. This is the Universe at work. Last year, I was still running (or driving) away from my problems. I was avoiding them. They continued to manifest because I was refusing to learn the lesson. The lesson is still a bit foggy. I know that unhealthy people exist. I know that manipulators exist. Heck, I even accept that people try to hurt me because my optimism can be a bit much (for others). The last few months have been incredibly magical. I’ve been back in a routine of looking after my health. Food and dog walking continue to be my top two ways to love myself. Food allows me to feed my body and my soul! Dog walking allows me to rejoice in my heart space and be in the present moment. And because, well, puppy love.
Chicago is starting to feel like home. I’m still cultivating my local tribe. My national and international tribe continue to remind me of their presence. I’ve officially been in Chicago for just over a year. 460+ days since seeing my mommabear. 400+ days since setting the intention to make Chicago home. Home is where you are loved. I stopped running and in the process to plant roots.
I forgive all those that have tried to cause me harm. I know they act out ignorance and unhealed wounds. An interesting reminder to not take anything personal, especially predatory behaviour. Attacks still feel personal but deep down, I know it’s really not. To observe. To understand that resistance is ego. To simply forgive. To be grateful for the opportunities to test my loyalty to my peace. To set (and hold) healthy boundaries. No more self-betrayal. Continuing to do the work.
Ahhhh! I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. The journey continues…
#Resilience #SelfCare #Love #Ground Zero #TraumaRecovery #Family #EmotionalAbuse #Recovery #OneDayAtATime #BeYourOwnHero #Equanimity #FoodIsLove