Emotional Growth Spurts: Connected & Detached.

The Universe is clearing space for new energy. I can feel it on so many levels. I’ve been slightly distracted during the last few months. I temporarily lost clarity on a few things. It’s been very interesting to see how things are manifesting…

Professionally, I’m focused and continuing to grow. Last week, I had my first corporate group fitness class (success). This week, I secured a new 6-week dog care contract (success). A friend has planted a seed to help me gain visibility for my coaching business. AND a kindred soul and I are putting together an online course… lots of magic is being created.

On a personal level. Some people that I have allowed into my heart space are shuffling around. I know when this happens, it means that I’m on point for another growth. It’s difficult for me to accept that not everyone grows at the same rate. It’s equally as difficult for me to accept that paths are diverging. The Universe is asking me to surrender and let go. Surrender and let go.

A few difficult goodbyes.

A familiar soul that still hasn’t learned how to love herself. She’s doing well on social media but I’ve seen her life in realtime and it’s all smoke and mirrors. I did what I could to help and gave her one of my most sacred tools, a book that essentially brought me back to life. Continuing to take, take, take from me, I was forced to use my voice. She resisted my truth. I continue to keep her in my prayers that she can one day learn how to embrace different perspectives and hold space for those that have held space for her. Especially the ability to hold space for someone that has done nothing but show her love. Continuous love. It is what it is. I’m grateful to the Universe for helping me see the truth on where to invest my energy (knowing when its time to say goodbye).

Another familiar soul from my early corporate years. My first call after a near death experience was to a sorority sister (to pick me up). My first confession was to this friend. Over the years, he’s not been the most respectful but I’ve allowed it. Now, 10 years later, he continued to dismiss the truth (and honour) that I offered him. Him not being willing to hold space for me was the first in a series of similar responses. At the time, I interpreted the responses as “Jess, it’s really not that big of a deal” but now, I found my voice with, “I’m disappointed to learn your truth. It’s hurful that you continue to dismiss such a pivotal part of my story. I no longer allow this type of treatment in my world. This is not love. It’s time for our paths to diverge.” I’m grateful to the Universe for helping me see the truth on where to invest my energy (seeing others for who they are, not their potential).

And a current lesson worth mentioning is with people living in my house. Proximity has typically been a challenge for me. At least with my family, it’s been a challenge to stay focused (and balanced). My family used to elicit enormous emotional responses from me. Understanding which energy is mine vs theirs has not always been easy. Increased grounding. Increased self-care. Increased self-compassion. Opportunity to state my needs. My house is filled with good souls. The only catch is they are unconscious. I cannot be mad at them for doing what they do but it’s frustrating as they are adults whose counterproductive habits have been seeping into my space. Bringing me into their storm rather than them into my peace. A continuous test on resilience (perhaps also grace). None of them have respect towards me because they are still learning how to respect themselves. I know it’s not personal but it feels very personal. A beautiful opportunity to set (and hold) healthy boundaries. I’m grateful to the Universe for helping me see the truth on how to reframe & refocus inward. Not in a critical ‘what am I doing wrong this time’ but in an ‘ohhhhh, and what emotion is this cropping up. this is another opportunity to break a cycle. where can I love myself a bit more.’

Growth spurts are not always fun. They are painful. They take time. From a sport perspective, growing muscles is literally the muscles ripping apart and then healing (recovery) and then ripping apart and healing (recovery). Emotionally, I’ve been in recovery mode for a short while, it’s time to be in growth mode.

The objective: remain connected to self and detached to others. Especially when they try to elicit an emotional response. It’s not a time to correct anyone, it’s a time to observe. They are allowed to view me however they need.

The journey continues…

 

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