I’m hitting a new level of alignment. Perhaps I’ve been distracted in the physical world as my dreams have been extremely active. I’ve allowed some new energies into my space so I’m back to isolating. Isolating myself is necessary for me to get grounded. I can honestly say that I’m in magic mode rather than reality mode… so my decision making is not 100% productive. Whether it’s real or perceived opportunities, this space can be very dangerous if I continue to throw caution to the wind.
I’ve taken the last few weeks to disconnect. Somewhat.
An aggressive episode happened a few days ago. I was being gaslight. I was being dismissed. I was being baited… and within a single question to clarify a disharmony, a fight emerged filled with the other person repeating a series of words. It felt off and allowed me an opportunity to decide if I was going to listen to the words or my intuition. I engaged for about an hour before removing myself. I reminded myself that no response is still a response. There was nothing to defend. There was nothing to seek clarification. There as just a moment to honour truth and decide if this was something that honours my highest self. Simple. Observe but do not absorb. A beautiful moment. A number of my buttons were pushed and triggers revealed. But were they triggers or are they still triggers? How am I responding? Is it the same or have I learned the lesson?
And shifting to the alignment part. My active dreams… last night was the only one I could remember. Or the only one that I cared to commit to physical world memory. On a few levels.
The dream: I was in a building. A renovated house. Basement unit. Warehouse entry on one side and then a beautiful countryside garden on the other. The first room had a long walkway with a futon couch. A handful of my Aussie friends were hanging out. Boys den of sorts. Around the corner, was a series of rooms and a giant kitchen. Island. Ideal for food prep and a massive refrigerator. White marble countertops. Huge picture window of the garden. Walking out of the kitchen, rather than entering a garden, I’m in a pool area. There is a car on the opposite side. There is a chain around the car. I’m standing alone. I’m about 12 years old (I think). Water starts filling the room. I see my brother and a younger version of my mother. Mom grabs a rug and the three of us swim towards the car? My brother suggests that the room is going to kill us “the water won’t stop’. We break into the car by rolling down the back window. First inside is my brother, then my mother. I’m trying to figure out how to keep us safe. If I roll the window back up, will we have air in the cabin of the car? Are the windows sealed? Can the car move? Why are we in the car rather than using the rug to break the glass to just go outside? Calm and quick to act. I grab 3 water bottles. My brother climbs into the front seat. There are keys in the ignition. I’m closing the back window just as the water creeps up the side of the car. I let out a sigh of relief. We are fully submerged by water and there are no leaks. *I wake up*
I’m not sure what to think about this dream. I still miss my family. That’s for sure. Lots of my conversations have been revolving around ancestral trauma. Is it important that my mother was a child? Do I still feel the need to protect others? Am I self-sabotaging myself by putting us in a car rather than break a window to the outside world? Perhaps knowing that things were shifting as I walked into other rooms, I was simply following my intuition? At least now, we are inside a space that can move… hopefully the car can float once turned on? There is some massive alignment happening. The last few months, when my family visited me in my dreams, it’s been followed by one of them reaching out in the physical world. Perhaps my mother is doing the work? One can hope… I miss her today and I love her every day.
My biggest take away is my sense of calm throughout the dream. My only real question is if I’m dissociating or accepting. There are no feelings to feel when in a state of pure acceptance. Physical-world, I demonstrated detachment (perhaps dissolving my ego) and in my subconscious world… maintaining peace in a shifting situation is powerful. Or perhaps it’s just my subconscious telling me to find a pool and get back into my multisport training. Perhaps not everything has a deep meaning… or does it?
This re-wiring and aligning is something magical… It’s time for a vipassana retreat. Water symbolises rebirth… so maybe this is my subconscious honouring my rebirth. Family. Acceptance. Rebirth. Love.
The journey continues…
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