Reframing encourages focus on forward movement

Throughout the last few months, I’ve been finding my voice with close relationships. Well, more accurately, using my voice with people I allow into my space. My space is sacred and just because someone is allowed in, does not mean they get to stay. Season.Reason.Lifetime. I treat everyone as a lifetime until proven different. Once truth has been revealed, it’s my job to accept truth (as opposed to challenging it) and then swiftly remove anyone and anything misaligned with my mission.

Seems simple, right? Well, when making shifts, there are so many things running around in my head. It feels strange to break up with friends. It feels judgy and elitist. It feels heavy and intolerant. Most of all, it is heartbreaking to realise that I prioritised others before self. It’s essential to prioritise my wellness before others. Easier said than done.

What do I mean by not in harmony?

PROFESSIONAL: Well during my corporate years, it was easy. Do not take business advice from others unless they are doing what I aspired to do. If I wanted to be a shrewd businessperson then surround myself with shrewd business people. If I wanted to be a mover and shaker, then surround myself with movers and shakers. Simple.

PHYSICAL: When I set a goal to cross an Ironman finish line. I surrounded myself with athletes. Well, this was in stages. I needed to learn how to swim so my first community was swimmers. Once I built my swimming skills, my main community was 140.6 ironman finishers. Not 70.3, but 140.6. It wasn’t being elitist, it was learning best practices from people that had walked the walk. Simple.

EMOTIONAL: Shifting to my emotional wellness goal. There are plenty of people that are exposed to domestic violence. So many people suffer in silence. Some people are in cycle. Some people have brushed the abuse under the rug. Some are in denial. To each is own. I’ve been observing myself and others. It’s incredibly difficult to know who is genuinely well. Usually, I can see it in a smile (eyes don’t lie) but then I remind myself that a short holiday can bring peace to anyone. After all, domestic violence isn’t 100% bumps & bruises. It’s a yo-yo. A rollercoaster. Good. Bad. Great. Terrible. Phenomenal. Devastating. Consistently increasing the space between the ups and downs. That’s the cycle. That’s how you create confusion. That’s the addiction. Conditioning. I knew just as much as anyone: the brightest smiles came from the darkest past. Finding my tribe of healthy people has been a challenge.

A few months ago, I used my voice to ask why a friend wasn’t supporting my posts on social media about recovery. He commented that he didn’t want to be viewed as supporting domestic violence. My argument was that I felt like a secret friend. Not seen. My entire blog, rambles, sharing and personal hashtag (#JourneyToPeace) was focused on healing. Recovery. Wellness. And for a while, the only way to talk about recovery was to include what I was recovering from. At least to me, I needed to reference the abuse to put the healing into context. A reminder to self: I was dealing with some pretty heavy abnormal things.

May 2017 – I was NOT a mouthpiece for domestic violence or mental wellness. I was living on a tropical island. A small business owner. Engaged to a man that was conditioning me. Once I realised what was happening, I removed myself from the situation. I gave back the ring and walked out of the engagement. I acknowledge this man wasn’t meant to be my life partner, he was meant to be a catalyst; Forcing me to deal with my inner demons of family abuse. From Lifetime to Reason.

May 2018 – It was pretty difficult to ignore me. 150% vulnerable and hurting. I shared my deepest seeded pain on various social media platforms. On the verge of discard from my biological family, there was a lot of emotions to process. I did my best to make sense of completely dysfunctional situations. I averaged 40-50k words/week. Silver lining: I was officially a writer and wellness advocate (recovery after DV). I also completed a triathlon in Italy earning me the moniker INTERNATIONAL TRIATHLETE!

May 2019 – I started gaining traction in the wellness space. Globally acknowledged as a humanitarian (by the UN), led workshops in high schools to discuss emotional wellness (healthy boundaries) and coaching people in 40+ countries on stepping into a healthier lifestyle. This time, not budging when others wanted to push my boundaries. I stood my ground.

Now that mental health is a budding topic for discussion (thank goodness), it’s also a moment for me to pause and congratulate myself for showing up. My social media engagement may have dropped substantially. I acknowledge that talking about wellness is a sensitive topic. I know there are people reading my blog and thinking that I’m unhinged (they are entitled to their opinion). I’m grateful that others are joining the larger discussion. Whatever brought people to #BreakTheSilence #EndTheStigma it’s all good! At the same time, I also acknowledge that it’s been a rather lonely journey. The journey to self-discovery has been filled with twists and turns. The shift from betrayal to love – when I stopped thinking about who was betraying me and refocused on simply loving myself. This shift has made all the difference.

I cannot wait to see what May 2020 has in store. It’s going to be HUGE! Who knows, maybe I’ll be an international public speaker? Or I’ll finally find the courage to publish my book. Or I’ll already own a plot of land and start my build… the sky is the limit. I’m in flow… I’m putting myself in a position to succeed.

#MentalHealthAwarenessMonth #MentalHealth #MentalWellness #HealthyBoundaries #ProgressIsPerfection #SelfCare #Love #SelfCare #NarcissisticAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #HealthyBoundaries #OneDayAtATime #JourneyToPeace

 

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