I’ve reached a new layer in my healing. The Universe keeps presenting me with situations forcing me to stand up for myself. About 6 months ago, I would have a huge tug of war between my mind and heart. When someone greeted me with aggression, I thought of them as a hurting person and excused the fact they were projecting that hurt to me. When someone shared their sob story, I helped them without regard to my own needs.
Talking about abuse has been good for my soul. I find that each time I hit ‘publish,’ I grow into a stronger version of myself. I was well aware that sharing my story of abuse or my healing journey was basically giving other abusive people a roadmap to hurt me. I was well aware that talking about painful things would attract additional painful lessons. I’m not completely naive. I’m hopeful. I know that I have to do additional work before getting to the finish line. I understand this healing journey is like training for Ironman. There are a lot of moving parts. Everything is connected but everything is separate. There are old relationships to keep or let go. There are new relationships to invest or walk away. There are tools to develop. There is self-love to be [re]defined. There is breathing. Lots of grounding with the sun and sea. So many moving parts to rewire. To break that trauma bond of appeasing abusive people. Each time I hit publish, I strengthen my muscle of NO MEANS NO. Not just in a sexual context, but in a humanity context.
Perhaps there is a reason why all the historical pure hearts do not have a squad. Connected without attachment. To be in a position to constantly be love (to give love) is not easy when people are bombarding me with aggression. I have personally experienced life when surrounded by pure souls. It’s magical. Actions of love. Words of encouragement. Peace like no other. Heartache shared is halved and joy shared is doubled. I lived in that space for a few years. I know it’s possible to create it once again.
Being back in my hometown is the exact opposite. It’s like swimming in a pool of toxic waste. Some effects are immediately felt and others are a slow burn. A recent interaction was more of a slow burn.
A guy from high school reached out in support of my public sharing (family abuse) earlier this year. Mindful that this could be a manipulation, I proceeded with caution. I’m rewiring myself so I don’t want to be paranoid and assume ill intent. It’s clear that he has unresolved issues and wants to use my posts to indirectly slap his mother [his abuser] in the face. To each is own. You do you.
A month later, I make a post about being raped and he reaches out (in public) to react to my post and to call me names. Then, the public name-calling is followed with a bombardment of private messages by him and his wife to my writing page and also to my personal profile.
I still do not understand bullies. It’s just unnecessary. People should not be bullying but last night, I’m reminded of one thing: just like in sports, the bully will get away with being a bully and IF I chose to speak up, I will be the one reprimanded. Almost as if the system is rigged to support, dare I say encourage, bullying.
I’ve been extremely vocal about being an ambassador for mental wellness with a specific mission to talk about domestic violence, so trying to start trouble with me is just beyond moronic. Props to my healing journey as I’m back to emotionally kung fu bullies as if it’s a full-time job. As much as my heart breaks to have to hold people accountable, let’s take inventory. 1. I’ve been more than reasonable. 2. I’ve sought resolution in private. 3. I’ve offered 2 opportunities to apologize. And now, 4. I’m left with an opportunity to share the dysfunction as a lesson on how to stop a bully.
And to think that all of this transpired because I shared a story of being raped. My sharing resulted in being bullied. Kind of expected but also kind of disappointing.
Either way, as mentioned a few times. I wish both bullies well on their continued healing journey. I hope they can learn that there are consequences for their actions. I demonstrated an abundance of patience and understanding and my post is an effort to educate others and protect myself from being bullied.
I am not the quiet Jess Corvo that people knew from Downers Grove North. I am a beautiful and strong woman that found her voice. Yes, my heart hurts to call out abusers but at the end of the day, my wellness is the only thing being taken into consideration. If others have the indecency to bring their garbage into my space, they run a risk of being used as part of my healing journey.
Is it asking too much for people to be decent human beings? Is it right for people healing to have to be silenced? Is it anger the fuels me hitting publish? Are my intentions actually pure? Perhaps, perhaps not. I think they are but all I know is that I’ve been polite in asking for people to leave me alone. I do not blast my blog onto their page. I simply post in my own space and they come at me. So I guess the main question is: If someone causes me harm, is their privacy more important than my healing?
My addiction is caring for others before caring for myself. So today, hitting publish is saying NO to bullies and YES to protecting MY SPACE.
Check out my story on the limits of being unconditional Reflections: The Abused Dog
#WhyIWrite #MentalWellness #DomesticViolence #STOPBullies #STOPBullying #AntiBullying #NoMeansNo #LifeLessons #AwarenessBeforeChange #ExposeTheAbuse #BreakTheSilence #MentalAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #Accountability #JourneyToPeace
One thought on “Being unapologetic in my healing journey”
I am not real superb with English but I come up this real easygoing to interpret.