Example of (Hoovering)

The culprit: High school friend

Example: The Hoover was disrespectful to me in 2015. Rather than apologise like a normal human being, he has attempted to re-establish contact in 2016 and again in 2018. Claiming that he’s apologized, the only communications I’ve actually received has been him attempting to condition me into accepting abusive behaviour. Since he lied about apologizing, he will be used as an example of someone lacking integrity and trying to disrupt my peace (step into my lane) via a manipulation called HOOVERING.

Boundary: HOOVERING. Strategic manipulation to test the water/pull me back into a storm of chaos. The desired result is to seek reconciliation, forgiveness, friendship, or perhaps love. 2016 – Hoover acknowledged wrongdoing without offering an apology. Sincerity was lacking, therefore, a second chance was NOT granted. I set a boundary and did not allow him into my space. 2018 – Hoover sent me a friend request on facebook. I could have easily just declined but opted to message him the following: “Hello. Same sentiments. A few years ago, you made a difficult situation worse. You failed to show me the kindness that I deserved as a friend and humanity that I deserved as a person. I’m not sure what prompted you sending me an invitation to connect on Facebook but I hope that you are well. You are still not allowed into my space. My space is reserved for kind people that make the world a better place. ❤ “

Consequence: This is a power play. All of it is a game. It’s a game of control. It’s a game to see if there are feelings. It’s a game to see what he can get away with. Remember, Hoover knows that I’ve been pre-disposed / conditioned to accept abusive behaviour (thank you family abuse that I’m currently working through). At this point, Hoover has not realised that I’m stronger and less tolerant of abusive people. I might have allowed him to get away with unsavory behaviour until 2015 but no more. The softness of my response was hoping that I would receive a heartfelt apology. The moment I hit send, I realised that I was expecting reason in a dysfunctional situation. So I blocked the facebook message. No surprise, Hoover messaged me on Instagram. [It is more important for him to speak his peace than to respect my boundary]. Also, no surprise, his first words were attempting to reverse the situation; blame me for hurting him rather than him take responsibility for being disrespectful to me. Realising that I have more self-respect, he eventually offers an apology. Perhaps sincere but as far as I’m concerned apologies are meaningless when offered after being confronted.

Result: Allowing him back into my life will result in chaos, disharmony, compromised self-love, and a countless amount of me questioning myself (Hoover is an affirmation of my family abuse). He is not a kind person. He does not understand how to be a decent human being nor does he add value to my world.

The Challenge: Remain rational and responsive. This zebra has already shown their stripes. The only way back into my world is the consistency of honourable actions. I’m not willing to grant him the opportunity to prove himself so it’s now a matter of public sharing. My hope is that public sharing will ensure he will not attempt to reach out again. My hope is that others can learn from this situation; people being hoovered know what to look for. People doing the hoovering need to come at me with a pure heart or accept they will be named in my blog. My world is reserved for kind people that add value to my world. Nothing less is allowed.

#EducatedEmpath #LifeLessons #Hoovering #WhyIWrite #ToLetGo #Forgiveness #AwarenessBeforeChange #MentalWellness #BreakTheSilence #DomesticAbuse  #MentalAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #Accountability #JourneyToPeace

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