Who Hurt You? Who Helped You?

I know that I’ve written about this shift before but I’m not sure which purge… One of the challenges that I face is understanding my intuition. I know most people say that it’s not something to understand. Well, I’m not normal and I enjoy doing things that are not considered normal. Besides, I am well aware that my intuition is flawed once emotions are involved. So at the moment, I’m making an attempt to understand as much of myself as possible…

One of the magical moments during training is when the mind shifts from WHO HURT YOU to WHO HELPED YOU. The shift is subtle and so incredibly important. It’s going from a heaviness that quickly turns a challenging moment into a challenging day and a challenging day into a challenging week. If left unchecked, it’s a rabbit hole of pain. I’m very lucky that my brain works in such a way that it’s constantly trying to find the lesson in the challenging moment. Finding the lesson helps me to let go. Once I let go, my mind automatically shifts to the helpers. The people that are helping me in some way. I might not understand the motive but the helpers hold a special place in my heart. This is making the shift from WHO HURT YOU to WHO HELPED YOU.

Everything is connected and everything is independently functioning. I get that. People could help with questionable motives. People could also be challenging because they are hurting themselves and lacking proper tools to manage their own pain.

Not my monkey, not my circus.

My focus is on the mindful people. My focus is on the people that might have a list of imperfections but they are aware of them and constantly trying to grow. So the question I typically ask people is what book are you reading? I find that books tell you a lot about a person. They tell you how people process things. They give insight to how they think. They also are telling about interests. Most importantly they shed light to how time is spent. I’ve recently been made aware that a handful of people that have hurt me have stumbled across my blog. I’m tickled that they find me so interesting and even more tickled that they no longer have power over me. In fact, when I learned this, my heart didn’t skip a beat, my blood didn’t rush out of my arms. I didn’t even have that heaviness in my feet as if my toes were dipped in cement. Nothing. I’m not sure if apathy is the correct word or healthy attachment (detachment).

To be connected without attachment is the goal. It seems, as the days pass, I am getting stronger. Less affected by people trying to hurt me. Perhaps my processing has been successful, I see people trying to hurt me as individuals failing at managing their own pain. How could anyone begrudge someone that is hurting?

I love you. I will always love you. You are only allowed back into my space once you acknowledge and fix the harmful parts of you. I have love for abusive people (mostly empathy) but they are NOT allowed into my space, blood relatives are no exception. I wish you well on your healing journey and tickled that you are still checking on me.

Edit: This post is connected to a post from November, Words to build, words to break. The interesting connection is finding that line between having compassion for others vs compassion for myself. In November, I still allowed abusive people into my space with the hope they would stop hurting me. Now, I require people to be kind/loving human beings to earn a place in my world.

#WhyIWrite #MentalWellness #DomesticAbuse #FamilyAbuse #NarcissisticAbuse #WhoHurtYou #WhoHelpedYou #Light #Love #Healing #JourneyToPeace

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