Dear C,
I know that I have already written a letter of gratitude to you. Now that I’m [mostly] out of my abusive fog, I have been able to crack my rose-colored lens. I would like to share an updated letter. This time to heal.
We have a colorful history. I didn’t realise the lesson at first but everything came into focus in January.
The first time I told you ‘No’ (2003), you thought it was acceptable to show up at my house to pick a fight with my new boyfriend. You threw a bag of stolen underwear across my front yard and grabbed my arm. We broke up because you put drug usage before our relationship. Your behaviour was unacceptable. This is not love.
The second time I told you ‘No’ (2013), you thought it was acceptable to berate me for asking to go home. You were drinking. I felt uncomfortable. I did not feel safe. I walked to your parent’s house and thankfully your mom was kind enough to drive me home. Your behaviour was unacceptable. This is not love.
The third time I told you ‘No’ (2018), you thought it was acceptable to lash out because I told you that you no longer had a position in my world. Your behaviour was not acceptable. This is not love.
I did not understand love for the longest time. I did not know that love was a two-way street. I did not know how love was supposed to feel. I did not realise that I was betraying my own needs. I know that you will reach out to me the next time something goes wrong in your life and you need an ego boost. I know that my existence reminds you of simpler days. I know that you will continue to hold me in a special place that reinforces that you are an acceptable human being.
This last exchange offered me an opportunity to accept the real you and let go. I send you love on your journey and hope that I’ve learned the intended lesson about love and betrayal. I know that you loved me in your own way but I’ve grown to understand that I deserve better. Thank you for helping me reach that truth.
With love,
Jess
#Revised #LetterOfGratitude #LetterToHeal #LetGo #Love #WhyIWrite #JourneyToPeace