Day 24. Freewriting. Oh my gosh!! I was too excited to sleep last night! Today is my FAVOURITE holiday (next to the 4th of July). It’s a day when sweatpants are acceptable, food is love, and the world has a dose of GRATITUDE.
The house smells of pumpkin pie and roasting turkey!
One only knows patience when they are challenged to watch the seconds pass as the turkey gets a sun tan… The struggle is r e a l .
The house already smells of roasting turkey. The test of self-control happens the moment I open my bedroom door!
I wonder if I can sneak a spoonful of stuffing out of the fridge without being caught. I’m so glad that it’s not a family tradition to cook the stuffing inside the turkey! Our stuffing is made the night before and it’s my preferred pickings before the big meal is complete.
My heart is full. I woke up with a full heart. I think it’s a combination of all the gratitude flying around. The positivity bomb is insane. I haven’t even looked outside yet! But the love flying around is legit!
There are so many things that I’m grateful for. The biggest thing being my mommabear. The next is my heart. Jax. A warm bed. Alpaca socks. Sweatpants. A safe place to call home. Newly minted role as Chief Marketing Officer at a Foundation. My mind. My soul rounds out #10. Of course, there are other things to be grateful for. Waking up and listing all the things I’m grateful for used to be how I started my mornings. I found that sometimes, my mind was racing before I put my feet on the floor. My choice of coming back into the present moment was either masturbate or list things I’m grateful for. More times than not, I listed my blessings.
Blessings are always around me. Sometimes they are lessons before blessings but they are always blessings at some stage. The last few months, I’ve decided to deviate from all norms / coping mechanisms/tricks to get my mind to follow a certain path. I decided to allow it to go down the rabbit hole. If that’s what I needed then so be it. Who am I to constantly tell myself what to think; how to think; who to think about; etc. Sometimes I need to listen to the noise to figure out what’s happening. I tried asking myself WHY 5 times. That usually gets to the root of an issue. But this time, I wasn’t trying to get my conscious mind to reason something. I wanted my unconscious mind to just flow. I guess my way of executing is to grab my laptop or a piece of paper the moment I woke up to share my thoughts.
Sometimes I still catch myself wanting to delete something. I’ll breathe before allowing my fingers to dance across the keyboard. But then I stop myself and just flow. Some of my [non] well wishes might try to use some of my raw thoughts / emotions against me. I was VERY scared of that when I first started. But now, I’m not apathetic. I’m just filled with compassion and understanding. Part of me also feels blessed that I made such a huge impact on someone that they feel the need to tear me down. So I guess I have found my strength once again. Finding my strength with sharing my emotions. For YEARS, I’ve been made to think that anything outside of gratitude and aggressively chasing my goals was wrong. Despite being super sensitive to public criticism [not easy to be vulnerable whilst healing. catch me on a strong day and you have ZERO chance but recently, I’m still soft AND impresionable]. I’ve allowed my softer emotions to surface [publically] and I’ve found the beauty in them. I’ve learned to embrace and actually enjoy the wave.
I’m grateful that my soul finally feels safe showing all sides. If tears fall, it’s not from sadness. The recent tears shed have come from a beautiful place.
…abundance of joy.
…abundance of peace.
…abundance of love.
Gobble. Gobble. Happy Thanksgiving to my readers… I have to cut my freewriting session short, the stuffing is calling my name!
#WhyIWrite #MentalWellness #SelfImprovement #Love #JourneyToPeace