I’m very results driven and do my best to understand the other side. I typically don’t accept excuses. My life is simple – say you are going to do something and just get on with it. Set goals. Crush goals. Set bigger goals. Crush bigger goals. Repeat.
I love the dreamers but my tribe is the doers.
My definition of dreamers and doers has changed a bit over the years.
Classmate: I remember the first time I received a message from a high school classmate. She told me how much she admired me and said that years ago, she suffered from suicidal thoughts. I don’t remember many people from high school because I was very focused on getting good grades and a track scholarship. I was kind to everyone but didn’t really let people into my world. We met at a stoplight, I have a tendency to talk to people at stoplights, my habit to talk to strangers, pulled her out of her head and gave her hope. She eventually joined the track team, built her self confidence and is now happily married.
Friend: Over the years, I have cultivated a reputation of being Miss Sunshine. I receive messages from friends asking for help but rarely asking how I’m doing. Friends usually turn to me when they need a dose of tough love or positivity. I’ve helped people through breakups, career changes, divorce, drug addiction, pregnancy…the scary stuff. I used to get upset with the negativity but I remind myself that it’s actually a compliment. People are most vulnerable when things are going terribly wrong and I’m honoured that they chose me as a pillar of support. It’s my duty to help them out of their dark place… I’ve lost 2 friends in 20 years to suicide. I wish I recognised the warning signs to help them. The others, I usually encourage sports. Team or individual. Just get out and build your machine.
Family: 2013/2014 I helped my parents through their divorce. I would do anything for my parents. Change is hard. Change is hard(er) for people that should probably be grandparents. Divorce. Homeowners. Retirement. Finding purpose. Finding happiness. Learning independence. Those are some big ticket changes. Both are more active and in good places. They are even friendly and supportive of one another.
Personal: My dreamer chapter forced me to deal with my emotions (understand them rather than just experience them). It was a turning point. This is where I accepted that mental health is important to understand. This is where I fine tuned my already overactive intuition. I became sensitive to others. I was more aware. I experienced emotions in third person (like watching a volcano erupt or a giant wave crashing into a wall). Try Vipassana. Best.decision.ever. with increasing my self awareness and observing emotions.
I am drawn to help others. I’m still learning that not everyone is actually seeking help. I ask myself, what is the difference between being helpful, mentor, friend, confidant, rock, advisor, catalyst? Was I already Coaching or was I just being a human being? What are the stop points before hitting bottom? Can any of this be prevented?
So many questions… another wave of awareness. I have been surrounded by Project semicolon. I started noticing more people with the tattoo. I figured it was my turn to get the conversation started… For those who know, you are not alone. For those who don’t know, it’s symbolic of making the choice to continue when you could have stopped.
One of the biggest struggles for me is to set healthy boundaries. I sometimes forget that people need to vent and are not actually looking for solutions, dreamers vs doers. I ask people upfront what role they need me to play… Am I strong enough to deal with these people…? Reminder on self love. Always remember the importance of self love.