Dear H,
Honestly, has anyone ever told you ‘no’?
I had a wonderful time getting to know you, share a ridiculous excitement for food and explore Indonesia. You are by far the worst local ever… hahaha! I appreciate you fulfilling my request of being a driver, translator, and dining buddy. I had no intention to actually fall for you. You showed me kindness and awkwardness all in one swoop.
I loved our first date at the mangroves. You reminded me that I NEED to have nature in my life. Congested cities can be overwhelming without the balance. It was adorable that you told the gatekeeper that I was your wife… hopeful thinking? It was oddly comforting.
My expectations grew as your words got more serious. I’m sorry that I cut things short. Perhaps we could have lived happily ever after but you started showing similar signs of a Terrorist I once knew. I mean, you both went to Michigan, have a slightly perverted mind, ridiculously awkward sense of humor, and have HUGE discrepancies between your words and actions. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when you asked to take me to the airport – bailed – then decided to tell me you loved me. Perfect timing as I was just about to board my flight. You are intense. You are my favourite type of questionable decision. I’m not sure if you were genuine or just saying what you thought I needed to hear. Either way, the inconsistency is not my style. I’ve learned to friend-zone guys the moment I second guess their intention.
For what it’s worth, my heart says to call/message you but my head vamps that decision…
I feel blessed to have met you. I still think about you fondly and accept that you were a ‘reason.’ I extended my contract in Indonesia an extra month just to see where things went and you successfully showed me that it’s OK to love again. Perhaps you also taught me to only give 80%, rather than 100% – so thank you for that subtle reminder! Maybe one of these days I’ll allow someone to look after me, but until then, I need to keep my independence.
One of my favorite memories (I have heaps) is our date at the Monas, flying kites. I still cannot believe the shorty cut our string. I had a wonderful day flying a kite, sipping coconuts and checking out the National Museum (whilst stealing kisses in dodgy corners).
I miss you…more that you should know. And more than I should admit.
Lots of love,
J
#LetterOfGratitude #LoveLetter